Jan. 1, 2026

"The Greatest Pokemon Story Never Told" ft. David Hernandez | TRAINER'S EYE #186

"The Greatest Pokemon Story Never Told" ft. David Hernandez | TRAINER'S EYE #186
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Season 1 Families Latin Pokemon Trainers Podcasters Pokemon & Disability Stories Pokemon Community Leaders

For years, I’ve helped other Trainers tell their stories. This time, I’m telling mine. 

I step out from behind the mic to share my Pokémon story. Not as a highlight reel, but as a timeline of survival, wonder, and healing.

From finding refuge in Pokémon Red and Blue during a lonely childhood, to learning friendship, curiosity, and identity through each generation, Pokémon became the place I could breathe when real life felt too heavy. Later, Pokémon GO pulled me back into the world into movement, community, leadership, and eventually the podcast itself. I also open up about grief, mental health, burnout, and what it meant to choose “one more time” when I didn’t want to.

This is about nostalgia, mental health, and healing through games and why stories deserve a place to live.

Sources
Opening Song: "Forget You" by Alex_MakeMusic from Pixabay 

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Your next Pokemon adventure begins here!

03:41 - Pokemon Red, Blue, and Yellow

10:04 - Pokemon Gold, Silver, and Crystal

15:34 - Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald

24:02 - Pokemon Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum

31:35 - Pokemon Black and White

37:56 - Pokemon XY

43:24 - Pokemon Sun and Moon

48:12 - Pokemon GO

58:00 - Pokemon Sword and Shield

01:07:28 - Pokemon Scarlet and Violet

WEBVTT

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Dear Pokemon, we've been through a lot together.

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You were there in lonely moments, in the uncertainty and the chaos, and in the joy.

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When life felt overwhelming, you gave me a place to breathe.

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You helped me fall in love with storytelling.

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You encouraged my imagination when reality felt too heavy.

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You taught me that curiosity wasn't something to suppress.

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It was something to honor.

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In Kanto, You taught me how to imagine how to explore a world bigger than the one I was handed.

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How to believe adventure was possible.

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In Johto, you show me that it's okay to step into something new while still respecting where it came from.

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That growth doesn't mean abandoning the past.

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It means learning from it.

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In Hoenn, you taught me about balance, about nature, about what happens when power is taken too far in any direction.

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In Sinnoh, you reminded me that curiosity is sacred, that it's okay to wander, to search, to sit with questions that don't have easy answers.

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In Unova, you showed me that it was okay to question what I believed, to wrestle with ideas to challenge systems instead of accepting'em just because they were familiar.

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In Kalos, you helped me see beauty and expression that creativity, style, and vulnerability all have value.

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In Alola, you reminded me of tradition of roots of community and that family chosen or given shapes who we become.

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In Galar, you prepare me to be seen, to stand in the spotlight without losing myself.

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To understand the weight and responsibility of having a voice.

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In Paldea, you taught me that there isn't just one path in life.

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That uncertainty isn't something to fear, it's something to explore.

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And in Pokemon Go, you got me moving.

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You reminded me to get up, to step outside, to keep going, even when life felt heavy through every region, every chapter, every version of myself, you've been there.

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So thank you for the stories, for the refuge, for the lessons, for helping me survive and eventually helping me heal.

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Thank you Pokemon.

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For walking with me through every chapter, David Hernandez, and this is my Pokemon story.

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O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O...

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Welcome to As The Pokeball Turns, where every voice, every journey, and every memory brings us closer to the world of Pokemon.

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My name is David Hernandez, and this episode is a little different.

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Usually I'm the one asking the questions, but this episode, I'm answering them.

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What you're about to hear isn't a highlight reel.

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It's a journey.

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It's my Pokemon story.

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For this conversation, I'll be answering questions from an interviewer, giving me the same space.

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I've always given my guest.

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สมัว มชใจ แกกัก้

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David, when you think back to the Pokemon Red and Blue era, what's the first memory or feeling that comes to mind?

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Not the game itself, but where you were in life at the time?

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I think about being alone.

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Um, I was the youngest of 12, but I didn't grow up with my siblings.

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all my brothers ended up either in jail or overdosing drugs, so I didn't come from really the best family.

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Uh, I remember my parents, they always kind of slept in separate rooms and that was just normal to me.

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They worked a lot, so I really spent a lot of my time by myself.

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There was a lot of yelling in the house, sometimes daily, and.

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I learned early, how to tune it out, pertaining to be asleep, waiting for things to pass Unfortunately at school I wasn't much better off there.

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I was bullied a lot because of my weight, which came from my health issues.

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I didn't really understand at the time.

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Breathing problems really limited, limited me early on.

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I was in the hospital a lot and it limited me what I could do physically, and the kids at those age were relentless about it.

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between home and school, there really wasn't a place where I felt safe for at Peace.

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Pokemon became that place.

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I didn't like it at first.

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Uh, I was a big hater about it, but eventually Pokemon became the escape into a world where I could exist without being judged.

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You said you didn't like Pokemon at first.

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How did it actually enter your life?

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My first real experience with Pokemon was through my best friend at the time, darl.

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He brought over a Pokemon stadium and honestly, you know, I was a huge hater at first.

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Like I said, just I didn't really have good reason for it.

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I think it's'cause it was popular, but we played anyway.

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it was weird thinking about those times because we thought Pokemon moves, accuracy was determined by the size of The Pokeball.

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For example, we believe smaller Pokemon like Diglett or Amite had better evasion.

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We thought Mr.

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Mine was one of the strongest Pokemon in the game and we were wrong.

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obviously when you look back, you think of Pokemon like Alexza or Mewtwo, right?

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Typing wrong Pokemon obviously.

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But that time with Darryl changed something.

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It wasn't about being right, it was about discovering something together.

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Um, soon after my mom got me Pokemon Red and I was infinitely hooked, I played it a lot.

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I chase background rumors or playground rumors I should say about po.

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Gods tried being the leap 400 times without healing.

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Uh, don't recommend by the way.

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and mainly'cause the magazine said it was possible, so it had to be true back in those days.

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I just imagined being with The Pokeball as we went through the region together.

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I.

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Listening to you describe that, it sounds less like you were just playing a game and more like you were with your Pokemon.

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What did winning battles mean to you back then?

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Winning wasn't really that important to me.

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Winning meant our teamwork worked.

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It meant doing something together.

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The experience mattered more than the outcome.

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Pokemon, to me, felt like a friend.

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One that waited for you, one that was always ready for an adventure when you were, I didn't feel like I was over them.

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I felt like I was traveling with them.

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To me, Pokemon were friends.

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They were real life friends.

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When they heard, I heard when they were happy, I was happy.

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It's why I always ran to The Pokeball Center after one F for that reason.

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You wouldn't leave a friend when they retired.

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That's what Pokemon was always meant to me and still does to this day.

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There's a moment in the Pokemon anime that comes to mind while you're talking, one that you've mentioned.

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Ash being surrounded by his Pokemon in the cold.

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Did moments like that resonate with you growing up?

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That moment is one I've always went back to.

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To me, it represented comfort.

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comfort has been rare in my life, or at least conditional at times.

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I've always had to be strong, mostly for myself.

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I didn't really have people I could always lean on, and I've always felt like I was too much.

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Like if people saw the real me or heard everything I carried, I felt like they would run away.

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I've always felt unlovable for most of my life.

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So when I saw Ash surrounded by his Pokemon, keep him warm, I wanted that feeling so badly that I even recreated it.

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I used my stuffed animals, so I wanted to feel surrounded, supported, held.

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Pokemon, gave me that emotionally even when nothing else did.

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Hearing that, it feels like Pokemon was doing more than just helping you escape.

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Yes, but Pokemon was also teaching me how to see life as a mystery.

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You know, I didn't grow up with much.

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We didn't have the internet.

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Cable was occasional.

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I spent a lot of time alone.

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Um, I would play the games that I would have.

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It was just mean Pokemon.

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And my dog, crystal Pokemon showed me that even the mundane could hold adventure.

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Looking back, I think Pokemon saw the adventurer in me before I ever did.

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For a long time, my goal in life was just to make it to the next day.

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Pokemon gave me peace when everything else was chaotic, especially before middle school, when things finally started to settle a little.

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Until then, Pokemon was my peace.

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It was my comfort.

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It was honestly my home.

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Pokemon sounds like it stayed steady for you when a lot of things weren't.

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Did you recognize that at the time?

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Not consciously.

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I was young.

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I was only eight or nine.

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Pokemon was just my default way of coping.

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It was there whenever things were going well or falling apart.

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It was the one constant when nothing else felt reliable.

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I didn't have the language for that back then like I do now.

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I just knew it was always with me.

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It was always there.

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As long as I had my game boy color, I was never completely alone anymore.

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Decades later, Pokemon would resurface again through your podcast.

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What was it like reconnecting with something that had been with you for so long?

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It felt like going on a different kind of adventure with Pokemon.

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When I was trying to figure out my podcast, people kept saying, do something you're passionate about.

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At the time that passion looked like Pokemon Go, but Pokemon has always been a part of my life.

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Even before Pokemon Go.

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Choosing Pokemon didn't feel like nostalgia.

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It felt like the road I was always meant to take.

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Pokemon has opened doors to me.

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It comforted me in different seasons of my life.

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This is just a new way of walking alongside it, and this time with my voice attached.

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As we close out this chapter, what does the era of Pokemon Red, Blue, and Yellow represent in your story?

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It is where everything begins Now with the badges or Cool Pokemon, although Articuno was my favorite during this era, and well, that's pretty cool.

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But Pokemon was for a kid who needed comfort and friends, and he found it in a world that didn't judge him.

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Pokemon didn't fix my life, but it gave me somewhere to belong until I could start building that for myself.

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When Pokemon Gold and Silver came out, where were you in life at that point?

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Did anything feel different from the Red and Blue era?

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Honestly, not much had changed yet.

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My life was relatively the same.

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I'm was still seen as the oddball or the freak is that they would call me at school.

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Home life hadn't changed either.

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Unfortunately, things were familiar in a way that wasn't comforting.

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What did stand out though, and just generation or the moments I spent playing Pokemon with my niece and nephew, uh, Ramon and Crystal.

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Uh, whenever they came over we would play Pokemon, surprisingly enough, and also the N 64.

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Ramon was the first person I ever battled in Pokemon using our actual game cartridges.

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Uh, that mattered more than I think I realized at the time.

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Um, he always had an over leveled starter and Pidgeot.

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That was what I remembered with him.

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But it was just kind of fun to be able to share Pokemon with somebody else.

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Daryl had already moved away by then, but Pokemon stayed with me just in a different form.

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Hearing you talk about your niece and nephew, it sounds like Pokemon started showing up in more imaginative, shared ways.

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What do you remember most about how you played during that time?

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I remember putting tape on the floor and driving little toy trucks along it, pretending we were catching Pokemon, using Pokemon cards.

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We would throw like little marbles or those little jewels that would come in The Pokeball boxes.

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They used to come with them, and I would hide the cards where I thought The Pokeball would actually live.

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You know, think like a Zubat under a chair, a Fearow high up in the counter, a Caterpie, like right up close, because you know, bugs kind of come up upon us suddenly.

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It sounds silly now, but at the time it made perfect sense.

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It was actually a lot of fun and something that makes me smile when I think about it.

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I was an uncle at basically at birth, pretty young age.

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Uh, my niece and nephew were actually only a few years behind me.

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It's a strange face to occupy.

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We still joke about it sometimes, even now, but I'm really grateful I had them in my life at that period.

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We even talked about those memories recently when I reflected on the old house, I stayed in Those moments mattered and they still do to this day.

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Generation 2 introduced some new mechanics like day and night cycles, and time affecting what Pokemon you could find.

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What stood you to you about that as you were playing?

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The nighttime feature, especially stuck with me.

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There was just something really beautiful about seeing the world change after dark.

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It made Pokemon feel alive in a new way, in a way that I had never seen before.

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And even still to this day since even daytime, felt more intentional.

00:13:13.823 --> 00:13:15.533
Like the game was moving alongside me.

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You know, I always remember doing the mystery gift, Pokemon Stadium two with the, default character and always looking forward to seeing what item I might get.

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That sense of anticipation was just huge for me.

00:13:25.389 --> 00:13:37.851
The only downside was how real life got in the way with Pokemon, gold and silver and crystal Pokemon, like Ledyba or Phaphy, which were only in the morning and I had school, so I never really had time during the weekday to play'em.

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And on weekends, I'd either sleep in or just forget to play.

00:13:41.572 --> 00:13:45.591
But even that frustration didn't take away from the magic that Pokemon had.

00:13:46.042 --> 00:13:48.711
It just reminded me that Pokemon existed alongside my life.

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For now, not separate from it.

00:13:50.812 --> 00:13:53.842
Listening to that, I'm curious how Johto itself felt to you.

00:13:54.322 --> 00:13:56.322
What was your relationship with that region at the time?

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Not really strong.

00:13:58.630 --> 00:14:01.301
At that point in my life, I was still focused on Kanto.

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I was more excited about going back and seeing what had changed.

00:14:05.327 --> 00:14:14.354
I never actually beat Red even to this day, embarrassingly enough, I spent more time playing Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Stadium, and even going back to red, blue, and yellow.

00:14:14.774 --> 00:14:17.144
Johto hadn't fully landed on me yet.

00:14:17.653 --> 00:14:22.004
It wasn't until Heart Gold and Soul Silver that I truly appreciated what Johto was offering.

00:14:22.509 --> 00:14:25.028
I think I just wasn't ready for it emotionally at the time.

00:14:25.594 --> 00:14:29.374
Even with all that, Pokemon still sounds like it held a familiar place for you.

00:14:29.903 --> 00:14:32.333
Did your relationship with it feel any different during this era?

00:14:32.926 --> 00:14:38.385
Besides my time with my niece and nephew, not really Pokemon, were still the friends I longed to have grown up.

00:14:38.686 --> 00:14:44.265
The imagination was still there and always remained and honestly even stayed that way even to gen three.

00:14:44.865 --> 00:14:46.905
They were still my companion, still my constant.

00:14:47.145 --> 00:14:48.676
That part never really faded.

00:14:49.278 --> 00:14:52.619
One moment a lot of players remember is realizing you could return to Kanto.

00:14:53.099 --> 00:14:54.839
What was that like for you when it happened?

00:14:55.636 --> 00:14:57.346
Pure awe in surprise.

00:14:58.006 --> 00:15:01.187
I couldn't wait to go back to Kanto and see what had changed.

00:15:01.517 --> 00:15:04.096
Even though it was bare bones, it was still incredible.

00:15:04.096 --> 00:15:09.557
Just to look at that feeling, realizing the world you came from was still there, really stuck with me.

00:15:10.003 --> 00:15:11.832
I'll be honest, I sort of spoiled myself.

00:15:12.163 --> 00:15:17.173
I remember looking at Pokemon magazines and reading about the Adventures in Kanto more so than actually playing it.

00:15:17.682 --> 00:15:18.852
I still have those magazines now.

00:15:18.852 --> 00:15:19.932
They sit in front of my desk.

00:15:20.562 --> 00:15:24.312
I think I spend more time imagining being there in that region instead of actually playing it.

00:15:24.866 --> 00:15:27.177
It's something I've always wanted Pokemon to do again.

00:15:27.647 --> 00:15:28.937
I mean, that's always wishful thinking.

00:15:28.937 --> 00:15:34.787
I think a lot of us would love to go back to a region like that, but that might just be a one-time Johto exclusive, unfortunately.

00:16:34.022 --> 00:16:37.731
When Generation 3 came out, how did things feel compared to Generation 2?

00:16:38.336 --> 00:16:39.206
It felt different.

00:16:39.746 --> 00:16:42.927
I had moved to a new school district and somehow I made friends.

00:16:43.366 --> 00:16:44.897
School was way better.

00:16:45.496 --> 00:16:50.567
I wasn't seen as the odd one out anymore, just another kid, which is what I've always wanted.

00:16:51.019 --> 00:16:58.783
I still dealt with weight issues and now acne, but for the first time in my life, no one made fun of me for it, and it was relieving.

00:16:59.249 --> 00:17:00.958
Pokemon was still private for me.

00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:03.389
I played Pokemon, Ruby, and Sapphire mostly on my own.

00:17:03.833 --> 00:17:09.743
I started with Ruby because Groudon just grabbed me, the red and brown background, the scale of it.

00:17:09.743 --> 00:17:13.163
Something about it just stuck deep when I saw the cover of Pokemon Ruby.

00:17:13.619 --> 00:17:15.539
But while school improve, home did.

00:17:16.493 --> 00:17:17.864
You mentioned home didn't improve.

00:17:18.294 --> 00:17:20.193
What was going on for you during that time?

00:17:20.644 --> 00:17:23.404
Well, around 2004 my dad left.

00:17:23.938 --> 00:17:29.738
I remember lying in bed pretending to be asleep while my mom told him she was gonna call the cops.

00:17:30.181 --> 00:17:33.871
they were arguing back and forth like they always done, but this one was just different.

00:17:34.335 --> 00:17:37.244
And when she said she was gonna call the cops on him, I just stayed still.

00:17:37.275 --> 00:17:38.744
'cause she's never said that before.

00:17:39.194 --> 00:17:42.884
I stayed still on my bed, like if I didn't exist, I held my breath.

00:17:43.486 --> 00:17:47.296
Hoping that it would all just pass, that this was just all a bad dream.

00:17:47.673 --> 00:17:48.992
unfortunately it wasn't a bad dream.

00:17:49.353 --> 00:17:57.365
Um, he was picked up, I think, by his sister, and I didn't see him for a long time after that, at home, after he left, things felt, I'd say awkward.

00:17:57.962 --> 00:18:00.603
My mom started drinking more, gambling more.

00:18:00.873 --> 00:18:02.643
She'd come home drunk or be gone entirely.

00:18:03.434 --> 00:18:05.954
I never said anything because I was just scared.

00:18:06.345 --> 00:18:07.845
I was scared of her.

00:18:07.845 --> 00:18:10.184
I was scared of what would happen if I did say something.

00:18:10.681 --> 00:18:16.401
So Pokemon was still my home away from home, but school became safer than home, which was new to me.

00:18:17.013 --> 00:18:21.324
Hearing that, I'm curious what pulled you so strongly into Hoenn during this period.

00:18:21.794 --> 00:18:22.723
What kept you playing?

00:18:23.310 --> 00:18:25.080
Definitely exploration.

00:18:25.538 --> 00:18:33.354
Hoenn just felt huge with the oceans, the weather, all the caves and the secret bases, the underwater part of it.

00:18:33.804 --> 00:18:37.854
It felt like Pokemon had expanded in every direction, trying to find its limits.

00:18:38.314 --> 00:18:41.469
And then you have FireRed and LeafGreen, which brought me back to Kanto.

00:18:42.108 --> 00:18:46.653
Familiar but refreshed with updated graphics and not as broken of a battle system.

00:18:47.107 --> 00:18:49.688
And then the Sevii Islands opened up everything back up again.

00:18:50.182 --> 00:18:52.613
It opened up the mystery that I've always enjoyed about Pokemon.

00:18:52.613 --> 00:18:58.583
You think of the pattern bush, the altering cave, all that felt like there was more hiding beneath the surface.

00:18:59.175 --> 00:19:03.645
My friend Josh and Dan, who were my best friends at the time, we had so many theories.

00:19:03.645 --> 00:19:04.816
We played Pokemon together.

00:19:05.266 --> 00:19:07.036
We thought maybe there was a rare Pokemon there.

00:19:07.036 --> 00:19:08.385
We thought it was like a secret event.

00:19:08.863 --> 00:19:21.373
you know, I believed even in the myth, I don't know how many people knew about this or even heard of it, I believed in the myth of where there was a hundred rockets, and then it would launch you into Moss Deep Space Center, and it would take you to the moon to battle Jirachi in hopes of catching it.

00:19:21.949 --> 00:19:22.939
I believed all that.

00:19:23.532 --> 00:19:27.492
I also enjoyed Pokemon Kanto and Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness.

00:19:28.078 --> 00:19:31.558
I loved those games and played them constantly as I was growing up.

00:19:32.116 --> 00:19:39.106
You also brought up Pokemon Colosseum and Pokemon: XD Gale of Darkness, which felt really different from the mainline games.

00:19:39.616 --> 00:19:41.166
What stood out to you about those?

00:19:41.760 --> 00:19:42.840
I love those games.

00:19:43.201 --> 00:19:44.221
I love them to death.

00:19:44.760 --> 00:19:50.371
Um, I always lean a little bit over towards Pokemon Colosseum'cause I like the world more so than Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness.

00:19:50.371 --> 00:19:52.201
But they both have their strengths.

00:19:52.644 --> 00:19:58.344
being an ex-member of team Snag'Em, starting as someone who walked away from the villains made me feel like such a badass.

00:19:58.433 --> 00:20:00.324
I saw myself in that character easily.

00:20:00.324 --> 00:20:01.074
I don't know why.

00:20:01.534 --> 00:20:03.933
that's where my love for Espeon really solidified.

00:20:04.378 --> 00:20:12.056
Before that I really didn't have much of a preference for the EV evolutions, but Espeon, just starting with that as a partner just was different.

00:20:12.645 --> 00:20:14.006
Not enough to take over Articuno, though.

00:20:14.036 --> 00:20:17.145
Articuno was still number one, but just enough to make it to the top three at the time.

00:20:17.615 --> 00:20:24.969
I remember when I saw the teaser for Pokemon Colosseum, it was on the Mario Kart double dash bonus disc, and I was like, what is this?

00:20:24.969 --> 00:20:27.219
This is like the sequel to Pokemon Stadium two.

00:20:27.771 --> 00:20:34.746
I put it in and you just saw all the different Pokemon, like an Armaldo, Wailord, you saw like high levels of 76 to 84.

00:20:34.746 --> 00:20:39.185
And you know, people joke about that now, but back in those days it was just hard to get Pokemon to those high levels.

00:20:39.185 --> 00:20:42.036
And I'm thinking like this even gonna be a challenge.

00:20:42.395 --> 00:20:45.425
Like my Pokemon are nowhere close to being that they're barely a fifties level.

00:20:45.425 --> 00:20:46.955
I'm even trying to get up to seventies or eighties.

00:20:47.429 --> 00:20:51.989
And it was just that need to kind of be at that level to have those Pokemon.

00:20:52.465 --> 00:20:55.135
Made me think like, I'm not strong enough for this challenge.

00:20:55.135 --> 00:20:55.945
I'm not ready.

00:20:56.388 --> 00:21:00.648
And because of that, I played Pokemon even more, more heavily than I already had.

00:21:01.239 --> 00:21:05.159
As you got deeper into the games, did the way you played Pokemon start to change?

00:21:05.761 --> 00:21:07.261
It definitely changed.

00:21:07.711 --> 00:21:11.071
I got into EV training abilities and breeding moves.

00:21:11.372 --> 00:21:17.791
I didn't do IVs'cause IVs kind of scared me at the time and it wasn't to Pokemon Go that I actually, that I haven't done in IVs honestly.

00:21:17.791 --> 00:21:22.201
But IVs were just a different level of dedication that I wasn't prepared for.

00:21:22.659 --> 00:21:28.021
But none of these mechanics, my friends knew nobody really did unless you really dived into the game.

00:21:28.021 --> 00:21:30.422
And it felt like I was in a secret language of sorts, like.

00:21:30.497 --> 00:21:34.307
A who's who's club like if you know, you know, kind of thing.

00:21:34.773 --> 00:21:39.814
It was a lot of work back then to ev train to get competitive Pokemon compared it is now.

00:21:40.233 --> 00:21:41.493
But it was exciting in a way.

00:21:41.814 --> 00:21:46.284
Realizing that you had to battle certain Pokemon to get the most out of a single stat was intriguing.

00:21:46.594 --> 00:21:48.723
And then also the breeding mechanics was also fun.

00:21:48.723 --> 00:21:51.874
You know, I had a Salamence with hydro pump or a Sceptile with thunder punch.

00:21:52.324 --> 00:21:53.913
It just felt earned at the time.

00:21:53.913 --> 00:21:55.564
It felt like I worked for this.

00:21:56.166 --> 00:22:00.247
The emotional and the management side never went away, but now there was a mastery side too.

00:22:00.829 --> 00:22:03.170
You mentioned friends being around more during this time.

00:22:03.509 --> 00:22:07.809
Did Pokemon stay something you experienced alone, or did it start to feel more shared?

00:22:08.407 --> 00:22:09.518
It became shared.

00:22:09.907 --> 00:22:13.807
My friends, Josh and Dan, like I said, and others actually played Pokemon.

00:22:14.198 --> 00:22:16.748
We'd have game nights where Pokemon was always part of the rotation.

00:22:16.748 --> 00:22:23.978
Of course, super Smash Brothers Melee, and then you, Gil was way more popular at school, but Pokemon was just right there, like just there.

00:22:24.038 --> 00:22:24.788
Always present.

00:22:25.240 --> 00:22:27.306
People engaged with what I wanted to do.

00:22:27.817 --> 00:22:35.167
And looking back, I know I was very selfish at times, probably a lot of times if I'm honest, but I'm grateful they stayed and played anyway.

00:22:35.757 --> 00:22:39.207
When you look back now, what emotion defines Generation 3 for you?

00:22:39.798 --> 00:22:41.239
Excitement and curiosity.

00:22:41.685 --> 00:22:45.826
It felt like Pokemon was exploring itself and kind of invited me along for the ride.

00:22:46.276 --> 00:22:47.925
The possibilities felt endless.

00:22:47.986 --> 00:22:50.986
You didn't really know what the limit of Pokemon was at the time.

00:22:51.435 --> 00:22:54.435
I never got tired of returning to all those games.

00:22:54.615 --> 00:23:02.590
Ruby Sapphire, Emerald Leaf Green FireRed, XD, Pokemon Colosseum, because the emotional connection was just so strong for me with those games.

00:23:03.445 --> 00:23:06.236
That generation of games, I got creative on how I played.

00:23:06.685 --> 00:23:10.945
You know, sometimes I would do Pokemon team drafts, pretend each game was picking on its team.

00:23:11.395 --> 00:23:13.046
It's kind of how I prevent training duplicates.

00:23:13.046 --> 00:23:13.976
Even to this day.

00:23:14.578 --> 00:23:19.138
I wanted to be able to experience Pokemon in as many ways as I possibly could.

00:23:19.582 --> 00:23:26.935
I remember building a Dragon team for my friend Josh, and I had to use Pokemon found in the Dragon Egg Group to really have some diversity at the time.

00:23:27.395 --> 00:23:29.766
I also did a play through where I tried to do ice only.

00:23:30.201 --> 00:23:31.852
It was just good times looking back on it.

00:23:32.489 --> 00:23:36.628
Listening to all of that, what do you think Pokémon was giving you during this stretch of your life?

00:23:37.223 --> 00:23:57.320
I think Pokemon was building my sense of wonder and curiosity without me really knowing or being aware that foundation eventually became As The Pokeball turns, believe it or not, playing this generation so deeply so differently in many different ways, taught me how many ways people connect to Pokemon, and it helped me appreciate those differences.

00:23:57.530 --> 00:24:02.211
Later on, once I started doing the podcasting, interviewing people both with Pokemon Go and eventually Pokemon.

00:25:22.941 --> 00:25:26.330
By the time Generation 4 arrived, you weren’t a kid in the same way anymore.

00:25:26.790 --> 00:25:28.611
What was your life like during this period?

00:25:29.214 --> 00:25:40.738
At home, I was still timid what my mom said when I had friends in high school and we still played Pokemon, even though Yugioh continued to be more popular, but things escalated fast After I graduated.

00:25:41.342 --> 00:25:44.491
My Aunt Pat encouraged me to apply and go to college, and I did.

00:25:44.938 --> 00:25:48.208
I had no idea what I wanted to do, like every other person at that age.

00:25:48.718 --> 00:25:50.307
I just knew I wanted to help people.

00:25:50.367 --> 00:25:51.778
That was what spoke to me.

00:25:52.224 --> 00:25:55.555
But in 2008, my mom got into a huge fight with her, significant other.

00:25:55.555 --> 00:25:57.327
One night, there was a lot of yelling.

00:25:57.387 --> 00:25:59.698
They were throwing things, the cops were called.

00:26:00.295 --> 00:26:03.474
I was shut into my room again because I didn't wanna be put in the middle.

00:26:03.928 --> 00:26:06.357
I remember crying and saying I didn't wanna be here anymore.

00:26:06.807 --> 00:26:08.278
This was no longer home.

00:26:08.882 --> 00:26:12.521
I had just started college and I knew I couldn't keep living in that environment no more.

00:26:13.126 --> 00:26:22.826
I called my friend Pam in tears and begged her to help me apply for on-campus housing, and she did, which I'm internally grateful for, and I was accepted.

00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:27.277
When I told my mom, she didn't tell me that I had to give up my dog if I wanted to go.

00:26:28.537 --> 00:26:30.196
That sounds like an impossible choice.

00:26:30.782 --> 00:26:34.680
It was, crystal had been with me for over 10 years.

00:26:35.277 --> 00:26:39.957
She was the type of dog who would be excited to see me whenever I walked home from school.

00:26:40.553 --> 00:26:49.856
I remember just walking up to the yard and she would have her tail wagging, her paws would be on the fence, just eager to say hello and to welcome me home.

00:26:50.457 --> 00:26:51.567
She was always there.

00:26:52.122 --> 00:26:58.424
She was a friend and giving her up broke my heart, but I knew I couldn't stay.

00:26:59.028 --> 00:27:00.317
I knew I had to give her up.

00:27:00.914 --> 00:27:08.115
Thankfully, my friend Geno, he helped me find her a new home, and I'm grateful she lived a happy life for the rest of your years.

00:27:08.414 --> 00:27:10.184
I never saw her again after I gave her up.

00:27:10.778 --> 00:27:13.387
I remember just telling her like, it's gonna be okay.

00:27:13.994 --> 00:27:15.884
I remember I was tearful of having to give her up.

00:27:15.884 --> 00:27:21.678
'cause again, she was one friend that I had besides Pokemon and plus everybody else, of course.

00:27:22.271 --> 00:27:25.903
And then Geno also helped me pack my things and move to UTA.

00:27:26.508 --> 00:27:28.548
And honestly, I didn't have any money.

00:27:29.557 --> 00:27:34.142
All I had was hope and a Bible verse, Genesis 12, one through three.

00:27:34.724 --> 00:27:36.255
I still look at that verse sometimes.

00:27:36.255 --> 00:27:44.615
I looked at a lot this through past year to kinda remind myself how far I've come and to see how far I'm gonna keep going and to just keep hope alive.

00:27:45.219 --> 00:27:48.219
Once you were on your own, how did your life start to change?

00:27:48.818 --> 00:27:59.326
From 2008 to 2010, things were not easy, but they were finally peaceful for the first time home, which was the dorm room that I stayed at was calm.

00:27:59.925 --> 00:28:00.645
Socially.

00:28:00.645 --> 00:28:10.006
I was still accepted, although freshman year was still challenging, and I had friends, a lot of them, believe it or not, I wasn't known for doing anything amazing.

00:28:10.006 --> 00:28:11.326
I wasn't athletic.

00:28:11.596 --> 00:28:13.516
I mean, I had a three point shot that was about it.

00:28:14.111 --> 00:28:14.740
For the first time.

00:28:14.740 --> 00:28:17.411
I didn't have to worry about being seen as a member of my family.

00:28:17.867 --> 00:28:19.278
I didn't have to worry about my appearance.

00:28:19.278 --> 00:28:21.528
'cause we were all kind of just college students.

00:28:22.127 --> 00:28:26.417
I was just known for being kind, I was me and that was enough.

00:28:26.980 --> 00:28:30.320
You’ve mentioned that your first year of college was still challenging socially.

00:28:30.421 --> 00:28:31.480
How did you navigate that?

00:28:32.084 --> 00:28:39.023
I struggled with conversation I always had growing up, and even up to that point, I never really learned how to talk to people.

00:28:39.616 --> 00:28:45.527
Just the idea of the back and forth that, you know, you would see people, the dialogue always just confused me.

00:28:45.527 --> 00:28:47.297
Like, what do you say to keep it going?

00:28:47.717 --> 00:28:51.997
What do you say To even start it, it just, that idea just confused me.

00:28:52.739 --> 00:28:55.558
After my freshman year, I wanted to learn.

00:28:56.009 --> 00:28:57.808
I wanted to be different.

00:28:58.199 --> 00:29:04.189
I wanted college to be something beyond what I knew from high school, and so I decided to learn.

00:29:04.785 --> 00:29:13.538
I didn't have internet at home, but one summer after my freshman year of college, I found an unsecured wifi signal and connected my Wii to it.

00:29:14.136 --> 00:29:21.539
And I Googled with my, you know, Wii controller, how to have a conversation, and I read the steps and I practiced with The Pokeball plush.

00:29:22.136 --> 00:29:24.027
The key thing that I learned was listening.

00:29:24.569 --> 00:29:32.220
If you listened and ask questions, conversations flowed, and just that one detail changed everything for me.

00:29:32.842 --> 00:29:35.211
Where did Pokémon fit into your life during this time?

00:29:35.832 --> 00:29:37.152
It stepped into the background.

00:29:37.749 --> 00:29:42.338
Once I moved on to campus in college, my freshman year gave me a real life exploration.

00:29:42.338 --> 00:29:45.365
For the first time I was discovering who I was.

00:29:45.818 --> 00:29:49.209
Pokemon was still there, always was, but I just didn't play it as much.

00:29:49.674 --> 00:29:53.755
I, oddly enough, I even used Pokemon to help me learn Spanish or try to learn Spanish.

00:29:53.755 --> 00:29:56.095
Maybe passing Spanish is probably the best way to put it.

00:29:57.819 --> 00:30:02.500
I remember I nicknamed my Pokemon with Spanish words to help me remember them for a quiz or for a test.

00:30:03.190 --> 00:30:09.460
For example, I used Tif, uh, TIF Flown became Quia, which is butter in Spanish.

00:30:10.089 --> 00:30:13.420
It never helped me learn it, but it helped me pass Spanish one and two, three.

00:30:13.420 --> 00:30:17.200
That was a lost cause, but Pokemon adapted with me up through the times.

00:30:17.646 --> 00:30:20.797
it's always a fun tale to say that Pokemon helped me pass Spanish.

00:30:21.375 --> 00:30:24.894
As you think about Sinnoh now, what stands out to you about that generation?

00:30:25.492 --> 00:30:28.252
Honestly, I didn't really get a chance to appreciate it.

00:30:28.252 --> 00:30:31.039
Back then, my, DS broke on a bus.

00:30:31.039 --> 00:30:31.670
When it stopped.

00:30:31.670 --> 00:30:36.796
Suddenly I couldn't afford to fix it, so I went back to Gen three games until Heart Gold Soul Silver came out.

00:30:37.385 --> 00:30:44.086
When those released, I got a new DS at that point, and Johto finally clicked for me with Heart Gold, Soul Silver.

00:30:44.556 --> 00:30:48.306
I appreciated the different aesthetics and the time battles way more.

00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:51.269
I appreciate the culture that Johto was known for.

00:30:51.269 --> 00:30:53.339
This time around with better graphics.

00:30:53.942 --> 00:31:00.032
I also got to play with friends, went to midnight, releases, even entered a tournament hosted by my friend Andrew and got second place.

00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:04.635
Sometimes meeting arrives late and that was the case for HeartGold, SoulSilver.

00:31:05.276 --> 00:31:07.465
But you know what, I'm okay with that.

00:31:08.425 --> 00:31:09.385
Still gotta beat Red though.

00:31:09.476 --> 00:31:10.256
Still gotta beat Red.

00:31:10.856 --> 00:31:14.317
Looking back on that time, what do you feel this era was giving you?

00:31:14.924 --> 00:31:17.615
Preparing for the first time I was happy.

00:31:18.154 --> 00:31:20.315
I was living by my own decisions.

00:31:20.919 --> 00:31:23.169
I wasn't being shaped by fear or control anymore.

00:31:23.761 --> 00:31:31.152
My future was still uncertain, even as a social work major, but the friends I made during that time truly shaped the man I am today.

00:31:31.744 --> 00:31:35.224
I didn't know where I was going yet, but I finally knew I was allowed to go.

00:32:34.161 --> 00:32:38.310
By the time Pokémon Black and White released, you had already gone through enormous change.

00:32:38.681 --> 00:32:41.691
Where were you in your life emotionally and socially at that point?

00:32:42.292 --> 00:32:46.522
Honestly, it was one of the best stretches in my life.

00:32:47.573 --> 00:32:53.393
My best friend Charles was a resident assistant, and something about that role spoke to me deeply.

00:32:54.442 --> 00:33:00.772
I wanted it, I wanted to be a resident assistant, not for the title, but I wanted to plan events.

00:33:01.282 --> 00:33:04.343
I wanted to build community, great experiences.

00:33:05.032 --> 00:33:11.028
I wanted to make people feel welcomed, and I did, and it was amazing.

00:33:12.202 --> 00:33:13.522
I learned Photoshop.

00:33:13.522 --> 00:33:14.992
I learned basic marketing.

00:33:15.863 --> 00:33:26.962
I made Pokemon themed door decks for my first ever, I guess, resident assistant door decks, and I gave each one of my residents their own unique Pokemon, and my residents loved them.

00:33:27.383 --> 00:33:30.803
There were no duplicates there for birthdays.

00:33:30.952 --> 00:33:33.563
I gave people a Jolly Rancher, like it was a rare candy.

00:33:34.732 --> 00:33:36.502
It was fun, it was creative.

00:33:36.502 --> 00:33:37.508
It was very meaningful.

00:33:38.903 --> 00:33:43.972
If I could relive a period of my life again, it would definitely be 2010 to 2013.

00:33:45.297 --> 00:33:50.626
Hearing how full that time was for you, I’m curious how Black and White felt to play alongside all of that.

00:33:51.207 --> 00:33:52.826
What stood out to you about those games?

00:33:53.442 --> 00:33:55.301
Black and white was pure joy.

00:33:56.112 --> 00:34:03.311
I respect people who take risk, and black and white was a huge one for The Pokeball Company or Game Freak.

00:34:03.852 --> 00:34:16.655
Game Freak took a chance and I think it paid off I love the ambitious storyline, especially the question of whether Pokemon were truly partners or if we were using them for our own, I guess agenda.

00:34:18.403 --> 00:34:24.103
It is something the community has always joked about for years and seeing the game actually explored, felt refreshing.

00:34:24.710 --> 00:34:30.471
I played black and white too, more than almost any other game, even with how busy college life was.

00:34:30.471 --> 00:34:31.550
I always made time for them.

00:34:31.550 --> 00:34:31.581
I.

00:34:32.206 --> 00:34:36.076
As you were playing, were there ideas or questions in the story that stayed with you?

00:34:36.681 --> 00:34:41.422
Not fully at the time, but they were aligning with questions I was already asking.

00:34:42.005 --> 00:34:49.695
I became a Christian in 2007 and I got baptized at our home church I wanted to understand people from their world, not just from what I've been told.

00:34:50.311 --> 00:34:54.601
You know, sometimes people tell you what they want you to think, but some, it's a different thing when you experience it.

00:34:56.282 --> 00:35:09.034
I remember sitting in a GSA meeting, uh, grace did Alliance at the time and hearing people talk about being beaten, about being bullied, kicked out just for being L-G-B-T-Q, And it shook me.

00:35:09.621 --> 00:35:20.302
And church, you know, I always heard Christians were persecuted, but this was something that I never heard a Christian experiencing here in the States, and my mind couldn't fully comprehend what.

00:35:20.480 --> 00:35:23.900
I was, I guess hearing versus what I was told was happening.

00:35:24.438 --> 00:35:27.679
It forced me to rethink what compassion and love actually looked like.

00:35:28.297 --> 00:35:31.297
Black and white did a great job of a challenging assumptions.

00:35:31.777 --> 00:35:33.577
What's true versus what's ideal.

00:35:34.177 --> 00:35:40.777
I didn't fully understand it at the time, but it really did matter in the long I guess in the big picture, if so, you will.

00:35:41.246 --> 00:35:44.846
Were there any characters or story moments that stood out to you emotionally?

00:35:45.449 --> 00:35:48.148
Yes, especially in black and white too.

00:35:49.048 --> 00:35:55.724
There's a moment where some gym leaders don't show up to confront teen plasma, and the game actually explores why.

00:35:56.333 --> 00:35:59.813
ultimately came down to feelings of inadequacy, fear, doubt.

00:36:00.668 --> 00:36:01.728
It made them feel human.

00:36:02.346 --> 00:36:04.425
I also, of course, found N compelling.

00:36:04.976 --> 00:36:05.786
Very much so.

00:36:06.456 --> 00:36:08.701
Someone who generally believed in his mission.

00:36:09.106 --> 00:36:15.601
Only to end up being manipulated by Ghetesis and that kind of betrayal hits different when it comes from someone you saw as family.

00:36:16.041 --> 00:36:19.012
unless you've been through it, it's hard to really connect to it.

00:36:19.664 --> 00:36:23.525
With everything you had going on at the time, where did Pokémon fit into your life?

00:36:24.117 --> 00:36:26.907
It was still important, just not the only thing anymore.

00:36:27.403 --> 00:36:28.543
I was very social.

00:36:28.543 --> 00:36:29.804
I hosted events.

00:36:30.164 --> 00:36:31.034
I was working.

00:36:31.034 --> 00:36:33.373
I was deeply involved in the college community.

00:36:33.818 --> 00:36:40.713
Pokemon became something I enjoyed with friends, not something I relied on alone like I always had in my past, and I was happy with that.

00:36:41.291 --> 00:36:45.132
Looking back on that period now, what do you feel was changing for you during that time?

00:36:45.724 --> 00:36:51.717
college and generation five were, when I started separating my ideas from what society handed me, it was messy.

00:36:51.717 --> 00:36:55.108
And there were a lot of questions, a lot of questions.

00:36:55.737 --> 00:36:57.382
shout out to my campus, pastor Steven.

00:36:57.538 --> 00:37:02.367
I asked a lot of'em with him, but he always sat with me and it wasn't never perfect.

00:37:03.373 --> 00:37:04.753
Honestly, it was incomplete.

00:37:05.172 --> 00:37:08.083
You can only learn so much within college times.

00:37:08.695 --> 00:37:09.715
But I love the learning.

00:37:09.715 --> 00:37:17.635
I love the people who sit with me with these questions and kind of, not so much debate, but so much, try to explore'em together.

00:37:18.244 --> 00:37:19.443
And that's what my friends did.

00:37:19.443 --> 00:37:21.574
That's what my best friend Charles did when I had questions.

00:37:21.574 --> 00:37:26.014
That's what my campus pastor Steven did, and his wife Jane, that's what they all did.

00:37:26.014 --> 00:37:30.963
They sat with me with the questions I had, and they were never afraid to say, I don't know.

00:37:31.567 --> 00:37:34.447
And I think that I resonate with that.

00:37:35.150 --> 00:37:38.690
Like how could you know something a hundred percent?

00:37:39.650 --> 00:37:42.561
There's some things we'll know, but life's a mystery.

00:37:43.070 --> 00:37:44.210
It's very gray.

00:37:44.210 --> 00:37:46.251
And that's what Pokemon Black and White represented to me.

00:37:47.065 --> 00:37:56.036
And deep down, I've always cared about personal development, and I think this is where it took root before it finally blossomed into what we see today.

00:38:55.309 --> 00:38:58.969
When Pokémon X and Y came out, where were you in your life at that point?

00:38:59.340 --> 00:39:01.019
How were things feeling for you then?

00:39:01.617 --> 00:39:06.597
I graduated in May, 2013, and everything fell apart.

00:39:07.213 --> 00:39:09.342
My social life disappeared overnight.

00:39:09.963 --> 00:39:13.382
I had to move back in with my mom and it was awful.

00:39:14.028 --> 00:39:15.318
I slept on the floor.

00:39:15.768 --> 00:39:17.389
We barely had any food.

00:39:17.449 --> 00:39:18.858
I lost a lot of weight because of it.

00:39:19.451 --> 00:39:25.570
I also didn't have a car, which living in Grand Prairie where there wasn't any public transit, it was difficult.

00:39:26.141 --> 00:39:27.431
So I walked everywhere.

00:39:28.076 --> 00:39:29.365
I mean everywhere.

00:39:29.978 --> 00:39:31.329
It was bitterly cold.

00:39:31.329 --> 00:39:37.298
I remember that winter, and we didn't have internet at home, so I had to walk to the library in the cold just to apply for jobs.

00:39:37.898 --> 00:39:46.507
I avoided social media, or at least I tried to because watching my friends land their first jobs made me feel like I was behind, like I missed something.

00:39:47.094 --> 00:39:52.914
One year earlier, I had community purpose and friends, and now I had a degree in nothing else.

00:39:53.501 --> 00:39:55.331
That contrast sounds devastating.

00:39:55.929 --> 00:40:00.119
It was, I couldn't even get hired at McDonald's or a Whataburger.

00:40:00.780 --> 00:40:06.940
I thought life would be easier after college, but it's like I missed a memo everyone else got.

00:40:07.545 --> 00:40:11.175
I remember eventually I cried to my campus pastor when he asked me how things were going.

00:40:11.175 --> 00:40:12.344
I was inside his truck.

00:40:12.943 --> 00:40:16.003
I told'em about the job search, the walking, the hopelessness.

00:40:16.784 --> 00:40:20.923
I was walking 10 miles in the middle of Texas summer just to get to job fairs.

00:40:21.539 --> 00:40:25.800
I ended up with he discussion a couple times, but I didn't feel like I had a choice.

00:40:26.396 --> 00:40:27.027
And you know what?

00:40:27.027 --> 00:40:27.777
He didn't rush me.

00:40:28.467 --> 00:40:30.387
He didn't try to fix things.

00:40:30.387 --> 00:40:37.378
He sat with me, he listened, he acknowledged my feelings, and then he helped me, helped me find a plan.

00:40:37.989 --> 00:40:40.869
And just that, that changed everything for me.

00:40:41.485 --> 00:40:43.686
What changed for you after that conversation?

00:40:44.336 --> 00:40:47.456
I moved in with my best friend Charles, and I found a job at Tom Thump.

00:40:48.045 --> 00:40:49.545
I wasn't supposed to be hired.

00:40:49.545 --> 00:40:51.615
Surprisingly, I found this out towards the end.

00:40:52.222 --> 00:40:54.172
The positions were already filled in.

00:40:54.262 --> 00:40:59.056
They had let everybody else go, but the manager liked my answers and gave me a chance.

00:40:59.657 --> 00:41:04.621
Later when I was about to transfer to Dallas, she told me I was the best hire she ever had.

00:41:05.213 --> 00:41:08.688
And I didn't realize I had that kind of work ethic until much later.

00:41:09.306 --> 00:41:11.766
Once you were in Dallas, what did life look like for you then?

00:41:12.365 --> 00:41:14.856
life didn't suddenly become easy moving to Dallas.

00:41:15.445 --> 00:41:22.664
When I moved to Dallas, I used Dart to get around, which is the public transit here, but it stopped running in my area around midnight.

00:41:23.264 --> 00:41:31.753
And unfortunately, I was working closing shifts, which meant I had to walk home at 1:00 AM sometimes in the rain, sometimes in the cold again.

00:41:32.474 --> 00:41:34.184
Sometimes just in silence.

00:41:34.784 --> 00:41:39.885
and I had a little bit of help, my friend Andrew, he took me home when he could, but he also had to work in the morning.

00:41:39.885 --> 00:41:41.594
So he couldn't always commit to that.

00:41:42.315 --> 00:41:44.985
And I was okay with it, you know, I understood where he was coming from.

00:41:45.581 --> 00:41:49.753
I kept going just'cause I had to, I didn't have anyone to fall back on.

00:41:49.753 --> 00:41:51.344
My parents were unreliable.

00:41:51.804 --> 00:41:53.784
My Aunt Pat was focused on her kids.

00:41:53.784 --> 00:41:54.655
It was just me.

00:41:55.117 --> 00:41:59.831
I didn't have a car, but I had two legs in determination and so I used them.

00:42:00.489 --> 00:42:05.228
It felt like I had gone backward in life Pokemon was something I returned to at night.

00:42:05.768 --> 00:42:06.429
Familiar.

00:42:06.429 --> 00:42:07.179
It was steady.

00:42:07.791 --> 00:42:12.085
It was home X and y didn't resonate with me the other way Generations did.

00:42:12.693 --> 00:42:14.943
I didn't connect much with the style or presentation.

00:42:14.943 --> 00:42:17.074
I just wanted to experience the world quietly.

00:42:17.681 --> 00:42:20.231
Pokemon wasn't inspiration here, it was just companionship.

00:42:20.670 --> 00:42:24.420
It was another escape, especially when my dad passed away.

00:42:25.023 --> 00:42:26.112
How did that affect you?

00:42:26.726 --> 00:42:27.746
My world shattered.

00:42:28.208 --> 00:42:30.157
It happened March of 2016.

00:42:30.650 --> 00:42:32.239
I just didn't know how to process it.

00:42:32.673 --> 00:42:35.043
It's a different feeling when you lose a parent.

00:42:35.541 --> 00:42:37.521
if you've lost a parent, you understand what I'm talking about.

00:42:37.998 --> 00:42:39.768
I didn't even understand what I was feeling.

00:42:40.547 --> 00:42:45.911
I remember my Aunt Pat hugging me after a concert, just a normal goodbye hug, and I just broke down.

00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:48.920
It was the first time I've been held since my dad passed.

00:42:49.393 --> 00:42:52.934
And honestly, it's probably the first time I've been held in a long time, even after college.

00:42:53.420 --> 00:42:54.590
I just wanted to be held.

00:42:55.047 --> 00:42:57.237
Like I said earlier, comfort was rare.

00:42:57.682 --> 00:42:59.543
And I think that's deep down why I cried.

00:42:59.572 --> 00:43:01.733
'cause I just wanted comfort for just a little while.

00:43:02.195 --> 00:43:05.735
As you look back on this stretch of your life now, how do you understand it?

00:43:06.338 --> 00:43:13.815
I was surviving Again, I didn't get the chance to think about how I was seen or how I wanted to present myself until much later in life.

00:43:14.262 --> 00:43:24.552
This chapter of my life was about endurance, about not giving up, about trusting that things could get better even when I couldn't see how.

00:45:11.081 --> 00:45:14.882
By the time Pokémon Sun and Moon released, you had already endured a lot.

00:45:15.282 --> 00:45:16.831
What did things look like for you then?

00:45:17.442 --> 00:45:19.452
I was learning how to live without my dad.

00:45:20.039 --> 00:45:25.108
My friends hadn't lost their parents yet, so I was navigating grief without a map.

00:45:25.561 --> 00:45:29.208
In December of 2017, I got my first car and I named it after my dad.

00:45:29.208 --> 00:45:32.751
Ted and I still keep a picture of him in the glove department to this day.

00:45:33.215 --> 00:45:37.715
Around that time, Pokemon Go came out and Pokemon in the real world felt unreal.

00:45:38.023 --> 00:45:39.733
Like a dream I didn't know I needed.

00:45:40.193 --> 00:45:41.364
I got my own apartment.

00:45:41.634 --> 00:45:44.063
I was living alone fully on my own.

00:45:44.527 --> 00:45:49.266
And I went to my first go fest in Chicago, the first trip I ever planned and paid for myself.

00:45:49.713 --> 00:45:51.634
And of course, for those who don't know Go Fest.

00:45:51.634 --> 00:45:53.523
2017 was a disaster.

00:45:54.021 --> 00:45:56.661
But in a strange way, it changed everything for me.

00:45:57.117 --> 00:46:00.237
oddly enough, I kept going to future go fest the following years.

00:46:00.831 --> 00:46:03.481
What about that experience made such an impact on you?

00:46:03.936 --> 00:46:09.217
Go Fest made me wanna find others who played Pokemon Go, especially with legendary rage debuting.

00:46:09.820 --> 00:46:11.110
That's how I found community.

00:46:11.574 --> 00:46:14.903
I met Raid Leaders like Deverock, grateful D and Mama T.

00:46:15.364 --> 00:46:17.164
Their passion was infectious.

00:46:17.224 --> 00:46:20.884
They loved the game, and because of that, they created space for others to love it too.

00:46:21.342 --> 00:46:22.121
Through them.

00:46:22.181 --> 00:46:26.711
I met so many incredible people, and Pokemon Go became something I share, not something I did alone.

00:46:27.318 --> 00:46:29.358
You mentioned going back to GO Fest after that.

00:46:29.768 --> 00:46:30.807
What kept pulling you back?

00:46:31.414 --> 00:46:41.311
I did 20 17, 20 18, 20 19, 20 22, 20 23, and 2024 each year.

00:46:41.311 --> 00:46:42.302
Taught me something different.

00:46:42.742 --> 00:46:46.851
By 2019, I was starting to wonder if I could be creative in this space.

00:46:47.362 --> 00:46:49.702
I tried photography, but it wasn't really for me.

00:46:50.512 --> 00:46:53.121
Still, something was stirring inside me.

00:46:53.568 --> 00:46:57.637
When you think about Sun and Moon themselves, what was your experience like with those games?

00:46:58.086 --> 00:46:58.927
I enjoyed them.

00:46:59.376 --> 00:47:04.146
I love the beach setting the deviation from gyms and the way Pokemon replaced h hms.

00:47:04.806 --> 00:47:09.853
It made me feel more connected to Pokemon themselves, but I didn't stick with ultrasound and Ultra Moon.

00:47:10.190 --> 00:47:14.974
They both felt like the same games as before, and I drifted back to Pokemon Go instead.

00:47:15.567 --> 00:47:18.907
Were there parts of the story or themes that stood out to you at the time?

00:47:19.509 --> 00:47:21.646
Honestly, not really.

00:47:22.242 --> 00:47:35.411
I think I was too numb and still processing, losing my dad to look into themes or story with Pokemon Sun and boom, despite how much I enjoyed playing them, the themes were one of the weakest parts of my Pokemon journey.

00:47:35.981 --> 00:47:39.342
Not the games themselves, but just my memory of them, my relation to them.

00:47:40.050 --> 00:47:45.570
The games were more of escape for me during those times than something to really reflect on, like Pokemon, black and White.

00:47:46.190 --> 00:47:48.291
I didn't notice those themes until much later.

00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:51.291
Mostly through my guests talking about them on my show,

00:47:51.887 --> 00:47:54.726
So during this stretch, where did you start to feel connection again?

00:47:55.318 --> 00:47:56.398
With Pokemon Go.

00:47:56.994 --> 00:48:00.505
That's where my real life in Pokemon started to blur in a good way.

00:48:01.195 --> 00:48:04.855
I walked, explored, met people, and slowly reentered the world.

00:48:05.445 --> 00:48:06.465
I didn't fix everything.

00:48:06.465 --> 00:48:09.166
I didn't process everything, but I found connection.

00:48:09.762 --> 00:48:11.922
and that connection was thanks to Pokemon Go.

00:48:20.244 --> 00:48:25.943
When Pokémon GO first launched in 2016, what was it like seeing Pokémon in the real world for the first time?

00:48:26.434 --> 00:48:27.583
Where were you in life?

00:48:28.190 --> 00:48:30.679
As I said earlier, I was still in the back end of losing my dad.

00:48:31.099 --> 00:48:35.000
I had joined a grief group in trying to understand how people live after losing someone they love.

00:48:35.469 --> 00:48:39.820
Pokemon Go, came out during that time and seeing Pokemon in the real world felt like a dream finally come true.

00:48:40.284 --> 00:48:42.233
The game crashed, the servers went down.

00:48:42.233 --> 00:48:45.324
But once I got in, I was instantly hooked.

00:48:45.773 --> 00:48:48.233
I walked on lunch breaks, I played on the bus.

00:48:48.534 --> 00:48:52.208
I love discovering what might show up each day and seeing so many people come out to play.

00:48:53.067 --> 00:48:54.447
That was just inspiring.

00:48:54.900 --> 00:49:03.166
Seeing waves of crowd chase a Magmar or people yelling about a Snorlax or a dragonite, it really felt like world peace.

00:49:03.166 --> 00:49:09.389
Like people said, we were all just obsessed with Pokemon, allowing our childhood selves to kind of be seen.

00:49:09.389 --> 00:49:14.943
Finally, for the first time in a long time, for many people, and this was all because of Pokemon.

00:49:15.543 --> 00:49:18.184
You mentioned walking more and being out in the world again.

00:49:18.603 --> 00:49:20.384
How did that feel for you during that time?

00:49:20.985 --> 00:49:22.695
It was exactly what I needed.

00:49:23.324 --> 00:49:26.264
I was struggling with the idea of gaming at that point.

00:49:26.715 --> 00:49:27.824
I wanted to move.

00:49:27.974 --> 00:49:32.664
I wanted to live and Pokemon Go, let me blend both worlds together.

00:49:33.271 --> 00:49:37.612
Adventure came back into my life, different ages, different people.

00:49:38.092 --> 00:49:44.525
Pokemon stopped being something I had to defend loving, and for the first time since college, I didn't feel alone anymore.

00:49:45.137 --> 00:49:48.577
When did playing Pokémon GO start to involve other people for you?

00:49:49.172 --> 00:49:50.672
It was during Legendary Raid.

00:49:51.278 --> 00:50:00.003
I was in Chicago during Go Fest 2017, and even though the event was a flop, I'll never forget the moment, the first legendary egg appeared just right after the park.

00:50:00.465 --> 00:50:01.786
The energy was unreal.

00:50:01.786 --> 00:50:05.356
Imagine like waves of people crossing six lanes of traffic.

00:50:05.985 --> 00:50:11.056
I'm surprised people didn't get run over, but we were just all excited because it was something new.

00:50:11.476 --> 00:50:14.603
It wasn't legendary Pokemon, it felt like history.

00:50:15.052 --> 00:50:18.226
And then when I came back to Dallas, I wanted that feeling again.

00:50:18.695 --> 00:50:26.338
So I found RAID groups and it was because of legendary raids is where I met leaders like Deverock, grateful D and Mama t.

00:50:26.952 --> 00:50:29.391
What stood out to you about the way those leaders showed up?

00:50:29.998 --> 00:50:30.867
Consistency.

00:50:31.467 --> 00:50:34.282
They showed up every day almost.

00:50:34.731 --> 00:50:36.382
They set expectations.

00:50:36.847 --> 00:50:38.108
They cared about people.

00:50:38.168 --> 00:50:40.748
They cared about us in their own different way.

00:50:41.188 --> 00:50:42.898
Deverock was a master planner.

00:50:42.898 --> 00:50:47.248
He knew how to get around places and how to schedule raids.

00:50:47.835 --> 00:50:51.554
Grateful D had a commanding presence and taught me how to use passion for good.

00:50:52.121 --> 00:50:56.085
And MamaT was eager, joyful, and deeply invested in The Pokeball Go.

00:50:56.085 --> 00:51:00.443
She was quite competitive as well, and especially as a mother and a business owner.

00:51:00.443 --> 00:51:01.733
She had my respect.

00:51:02.313 --> 00:51:04.202
They gave rides, they made space.

00:51:04.202 --> 00:51:06.123
They enjoyed playing Pokemon Go.

00:51:06.559 --> 00:51:08.360
I learned a lot just watching each of them.

00:51:08.963 --> 00:51:12.193
GO Fest became something you returned to again and again.

00:51:12.782 --> 00:51:14.172
What did those trips mean to you?

00:51:14.753 --> 00:51:20.333
Each Go Fest just marked a chapter 2017 taught me not to build everything around the game alone.

00:51:21.054 --> 00:51:23.634
2018 was about reclaiming adventure.

00:51:23.634 --> 00:51:30.349
The thing I lost since college 19, was watching my friends experience go fest for the very first time.

00:51:31.789 --> 00:51:35.539
Starting to question my creative path on how I can use my creativity.

00:51:36.117 --> 00:51:37.916
2022 in Seattle.

00:51:37.943 --> 00:51:38.932
it was recommitting to.

00:51:38.932 --> 00:51:43.373
My podcast is True Purpose in 2023 in New York City.

00:51:43.853 --> 00:51:46.432
It was seeing my community, my podcast fans.

00:51:47.063 --> 00:51:54.329
Surprisingly I had some, my friends that I met online and fellow podcaster, like the Wayspotters, Lured Up, GO C ast.

00:51:54.476 --> 00:51:55.552
Many others.

00:51:55.882 --> 00:51:58.103
We were all together and I got to meet them.

00:51:58.543 --> 00:52:02.353
And then 2024 was learning self-respect, both as a creator and a human.

00:52:02.797 --> 00:52:09.163
Each year gave me something different and I could talk hours upon Go fest, but that's the Cliff Notes.

00:52:09.768 --> 00:52:12.878
At what point did Pokémon GO stop being just a game?

00:52:13.396 --> 00:52:20.777
I became a mod and admin multiple communities within DFWI created the DFW Pokemon Center Discord.

00:52:21.197 --> 00:52:28.442
It was the directory for Discords because I noticed there was difficulty of people finding groups within their area.

00:52:28.981 --> 00:52:30.782
And so I tracked local groups.

00:52:30.782 --> 00:52:39.032
I kept track of the ones that were active, And I didn't promote the ones that kind of went dead or didn't have active leadership, and I always refer people outward.

00:52:39.541 --> 00:52:43.742
I kept a pulse on the community, all over the community, all over DFW.

00:52:44.353 --> 00:52:50.952
Eventually, I became the owner of the DFW Pokemon Facebook group that's now over 23,000 people at the time of this recording.

00:52:51.567 --> 00:52:56.067
My creativity did really hit until 2019 when, like I said.

00:52:56.501 --> 00:52:58.211
I wanted to start tapping into it.

00:52:58.211 --> 00:53:16.909
I wanted to start finding a way to use it As The Pokeball Turns didn't officially launched until January of 2022, and then all the interviews that I've been doing didn't even start until August of that year, but the foundation for everything, everything I've mentioned has always been Pokemon Go.

00:53:19.244 --> 00:53:25.125
Looking back now, do you see Pokémon GO as the bridge between surviving… and choosing to build?

00:53:25.728 --> 00:53:28.068
Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it.

00:53:28.864 --> 00:53:38.215
Pokemon Go gave me so much and I wanted to give back After the pandemic shattered communities, I wanted to help rebuild them, not alone.

00:53:38.215 --> 00:53:40.286
I learned that lesson sorta.

00:53:41.260 --> 00:53:43.976
I wanted to empower others to lead.

00:53:44.005 --> 00:53:52.045
I wanted to invest in communities, but through the wristbands that I do, through my podcast giveaways, when I could give prizes out community days.

00:53:52.641 --> 00:53:56.840
My podcast became a way to serve local Pokemon communities, not just talk about Pokemon.

00:53:57.436 --> 00:54:00.255
Without Pokemon Go, I wouldn't be the man I am today.

00:54:00.880 --> 00:54:04.320
You’ve been describing a lot of connection and responsibility around Pokémon GO.

00:54:04.530 --> 00:54:06.931
Was there a point where that started to feel different for you?

00:54:07.528 --> 00:54:10.619
Yeah, that happened around 2019, I would say.

00:54:11.608 --> 00:54:18.659
It was when I became the owner of the DFW Pokemon Center Discord and took it upon myself to keep track of all the communities in the area.

00:54:19.242 --> 00:54:27.590
At first, it felt meaningful, like I was helping people find where they belonged, but over time it became mind numbing, exhausting, even.

00:54:28.371 --> 00:54:31.280
There was just always something to monitor, update or think about.

00:54:31.490 --> 00:54:32.916
It never really shut off.

00:54:33.771 --> 00:54:35.811
I wasn't just playing Pokemon Go anymore.

00:54:35.811 --> 00:54:37.485
I was maintaining an ecosystem.

00:54:38.117 --> 00:54:41.208
That’s a lot to carry, especially without formal support.

00:54:41.813 --> 00:54:42.563
It was.

00:54:43.103 --> 00:54:46.764
And at the same time, I was also trying to compete in gold gyms.

00:54:47.393 --> 00:54:52.728
There was a competition in our discord, and I didn't realize how competitive I was until then.

00:54:53.329 --> 00:54:55.579
I took it way too personally.

00:54:56.152 --> 00:55:00.472
There were leaderboard rankings, nothing official, just something between us.

00:55:01.081 --> 00:55:07.302
And at one point, one of the top gold gym runners coordinated with number one player to come into my area that I was working on.

00:55:07.920 --> 00:55:14.992
And they were all instinct using multiple accounts, and that was a mystic player with one account.

00:55:15.590 --> 00:55:19.010
It was easily one versus 10 through 12 accounts.

00:55:19.880 --> 00:55:21.260
I had no chance.

00:55:21.260 --> 00:55:25.708
There was no way, and then suddenly it didn't feel like a game anymore more.

00:55:26.166 --> 00:55:27.936
What about that shift changed things for you?

00:55:28.547 --> 00:55:30.496
It wasn't about being number one.

00:55:31.088 --> 00:55:33.728
I didn't mind not surpassing mama t.

00:55:34.298 --> 00:55:35.679
She earned her gems.

00:55:35.679 --> 00:55:39.338
She physically drove to every area she showed up.

00:55:39.338 --> 00:55:43.090
She endured criticism for her play style, and I respected that.

00:55:43.695 --> 00:55:47.625
What bothered me was losing to systems that didn't feel equal.

00:55:48.237 --> 00:55:52.893
I didn't like people being dropped into gyms, coordinated play that didn't require the same effort.

00:55:53.623 --> 00:55:55.034
I was driving myself.

00:55:55.634 --> 00:55:57.074
I was showing up myself.

00:55:57.704 --> 00:56:03.516
I was also facing some criticism here and there with one account, and it started to feel a little unfair.

00:56:04.114 --> 00:56:08.911
I felt that I couldn't be human, and I didn't know how to sit with that at the time.

00:56:09.650 --> 00:56:12.900
You used the phrase“I couldn’t be human” when talking about this period.

00:56:13.329 --> 00:56:15.019
What did that feel like day to day?

00:56:15.632 --> 00:56:22.181
I felt like I couldn't be frustrated that I couldn't really be tired and I couldn't step away.

00:56:22.793 --> 00:56:26.213
I felt like I had to be consistent both off and on the game.

00:56:26.811 --> 00:56:27.711
I had to be neutral.

00:56:27.711 --> 00:56:31.257
I had to be reliable, and I know that was self-imposed.

00:56:31.849 --> 00:56:35.786
That's just how I, saw leadership, but at the same time I was trying to compete.

00:56:36.751 --> 00:56:40.532
And there wasn't space for me just to be a person, to just be David.

00:56:41.233 --> 00:56:42.943
And I think that's when everything collided.

00:56:43.333 --> 00:56:46.393
The responsibility, the competition, the expectations.

00:56:47.023 --> 00:56:56.842
Eventually I had a friend show me how to spoof to even the playing field, and I know how that's viewed within Pokemon Go, and I'm not here to defend it, what I can say.

00:56:56.985 --> 00:57:01.099
Honestly is this, I felt free for the first time.

00:57:01.099 --> 00:57:07.081
I felt like I had a chance, like my effort wasn't being punished by my body, my time or my limits.

00:57:07.717 --> 00:57:15.081
I had already given so much elsewhere, organizing, connecting, holding things together, and as I said, I took it too personally.

00:57:17.827 --> 00:57:18.697
Too much meaning.

00:57:19.514 --> 00:57:22.273
Looking back now, how do you understand that moment?

00:57:22.889 --> 00:57:24.467
I don't see it as a failure.

00:57:25.608 --> 00:57:29.208
I see it as a sign that I probably should have paid more attention to.

00:57:29.297 --> 00:57:34.340
Even now, Pokemon Go didn't hurt me because I cared too much.

00:57:34.880 --> 00:57:42.679
It hurt because I was putting too much on myself, while trying to compete in a system that didn't value effort equally, that I took to personally.

00:57:43.271 --> 00:57:44.831
I felt like I couldn't be human anymore.

00:57:45.338 --> 00:57:48.757
And something had to change and something did change.

00:57:49.396 --> 00:57:53.217
Looking back, I wish I had been more mature to see my limits.

00:57:53.860 --> 00:57:55.900
I wish I had better communication skills.

00:57:56.949 --> 00:58:00.010
I just didn't have that level of insight at the time I.

00:59:25.018 --> 00:59:28.869
When Pokémon Sword and Shield came out, where were you in your life at that point?

00:59:29.278 --> 00:59:30.619
What was going on for you then?

00:59:31.226 --> 00:59:43.992
I had just lost my admin and mock privileges and was banned from The Pokeball Go community I was part of with Mama Teen Grateful D, and it hurt, but what surprised me was who stayed, people, I should say, friends supported me.

00:59:43.992 --> 00:59:44.742
They listened.

00:59:44.833 --> 00:59:46.152
They sat with me, chew.

00:59:46.152 --> 00:59:52.679
Even knowing that I had spoofed, that meant more than I realized at the time, and I wish I had learned my lesson then.

00:59:53.280 --> 00:59:57.579
The lesson to be around people who choose you, but not yet.

00:59:57.940 --> 01:00:00.306
I hadn't learned it outside of Pokemon.

01:00:00.396 --> 01:00:01.327
Life was stable.

01:00:01.956 --> 01:00:04.657
I lived alone, paid my bills, saved money.

01:00:05.257 --> 01:00:08.226
I was thriving, but creativity, I felt dormant.

01:00:08.817 --> 01:00:11.097
I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do.

01:00:11.577 --> 01:00:14.467
Creatively speaking career wise.

01:00:15.172 --> 01:00:16.132
I was unfulfilled.

01:00:16.492 --> 01:00:23.175
I wrestled with leaving stability for social work, something deep inside me told me that I need to see what I can do with this degree.

01:00:23.835 --> 01:00:24.980
I owe myself that much.

01:00:26.083 --> 01:00:27.262
What did you end up doing?

01:00:27.889 --> 01:00:30.619
In January of 2020, I started working in mental health.

01:00:30.648 --> 01:00:32.119
Within the criminal justice system.

01:00:32.715 --> 01:00:37.275
I worked with people who had schizophrenia, bipolar, depression, anxiety, you name it.

01:00:37.275 --> 01:00:38.445
That's what I worked with.

01:00:39.048 --> 01:00:47.793
And seeing this side of society, seeing the people who struggled with this, it changed how I understood people and even myself.

01:00:48.429 --> 01:00:51.219
I realized how wrong I had been about mental health.

01:00:51.829 --> 01:00:56.052
How real it is and how complex the issues really are.

01:00:56.666 --> 01:01:00.565
Eventually, in late 2021, early 22, I started therapy myself.

01:01:01.163 --> 01:01:14.775
I had always had flashbacks, but I just always just thought it was my mind playing games, and in some ways it was my mind playing games, but it was trying to alert me to something that was deep beneath me that I wasn't giving proper attention to.

01:01:15.329 --> 01:01:21.856
I was having intense flashbacks and it happened when I was on the road while I was driving, and that scared me.

01:01:22.126 --> 01:01:22.876
I was shaking.

01:01:22.876 --> 01:01:25.306
I was like, oh my gosh, this is, I gotta take care of this.

01:01:25.905 --> 01:01:33.918
And I realized that it was time to finally take care of myself, but I started from the inside because I wanted the change to be permanent.

01:01:34.509 --> 01:01:37.449
I want it to be something that's long lasting that wouldn't relapse.

01:01:38.164 --> 01:01:39.327
I went to therapy.

01:01:39.940 --> 01:01:44.471
And in therapy it was weird to have somebody, I guess, gimme the same presence.

01:01:44.471 --> 01:01:46.954
I give my guest, he was patient.

01:01:47.577 --> 01:01:54.467
He let me talk about anything he gave me freedom to choose the topics, and I explored.

01:01:55.472 --> 01:01:56.282
I talked a lot.

01:01:56.898 --> 01:01:58.309
I explored my family history.

01:01:58.878 --> 01:02:00.259
I explored where I came from.

01:02:00.869 --> 01:02:05.068
I explored my fears, the anxiety that I didn't realize I had at the time.

01:02:05.693 --> 01:02:17.052
I explored me to better understand what made me tick, to understand my actions, my attitudes, where'd this all come from and how I could change for the better.

01:02:17.846 --> 01:02:23.576
And it was around this time that I started entertaining the idea of starting As The Pokeball Turns of starting a podcast.

01:02:23.576 --> 01:02:23.606
I.

01:02:24.224 --> 01:02:26.715
Podcasting finally makes its debut in your story.

01:02:27.215 --> 01:02:27.974
How did that begin?

01:02:28.577 --> 01:02:31.338
I started podcasting in February of 2022.

01:02:31.998 --> 01:02:35.237
I was inspired by Strong Opinion Sports by Zach Scholmer.

01:02:35.927 --> 01:02:39.617
I loved his delivery and his honesty, and felt like I could do that.

01:02:39.708 --> 01:02:49.751
Like for the first time, I felt like there was an artistic venture that I could realistically do at first As The Pokeball Turns was a new show, but the heart of starting it was always Pokemon Interviews.

01:02:49.811 --> 01:02:54.251
That was always the main catalyst for starting As The Pokeball turns because.

01:02:54.641 --> 01:02:56.561
There was nobody doing Pokemon interviews.

01:02:56.891 --> 01:02:57.641
Nobody.

01:02:58.257 --> 01:03:02.938
And at the time I wanted to spotlight people in Pokemon Go who never got the spotlight.

01:03:03.327 --> 01:03:04.438
Who did the hard work?

01:03:04.438 --> 01:03:06.088
Who did the boots on the grounds?

01:03:06.568 --> 01:03:08.097
Who sacrificed?

01:03:08.708 --> 01:03:10.327
Who you would never know?

01:03:10.358 --> 01:03:11.887
Because they're not content creators.

01:03:11.925 --> 01:03:12.860
There are everyday people like me.

01:03:13.427 --> 01:03:17.898
I wanted to dive into personal stories that made people wanna play Pokemon Go initially.

01:03:18.355 --> 01:03:22.101
And my first guest, who was a good friend, ghosted me.

01:03:22.697 --> 01:03:31.349
I kept trying to race, rationalize, thinking like, oh, maybe, you know, they fell asleep, or they forgot, or whatever, but they never showed and I never heard from'em again.

01:03:31.958 --> 01:03:34.818
And at the time I was, like I said, I was anxious.

01:03:34.818 --> 01:03:36.108
I didn't realize I had anxiety.

01:03:36.257 --> 01:03:38.358
I disappeared for a few months after that.

01:03:38.978 --> 01:03:41.168
And the reason why is because I was scared.

01:03:41.635 --> 01:03:43.704
It's scary to do something creative.

01:03:43.704 --> 01:03:45.295
It's scary to put yourself out there.

01:03:45.791 --> 01:03:49.661
And I was already struggling trying to figure out, is this something I was meant to do?

01:03:50.135 --> 01:03:54.715
And I just took it as a sign that I was doing podcasting for the wrong reasons, that I was being selfish.

01:03:55.356 --> 01:04:11.702
I was doing it to, for something to stratify my ego or whatever have you, that I was just in it for the wrong reasons, but therapy helped me see something important, that having a creative outlet isn't selfish, it's expression, and even if it was selfish, I was allowed to try.

01:04:12.309 --> 01:04:14.005
I owed it to myself to try.

01:04:15.197 --> 01:04:20.838
I also realized that I had to stop living what I expected others wanted me to be and start choosing my own path.

01:04:21.434 --> 01:04:30.954
I always felt like I was being watched, like I was expected to do this, to be this way without giving me the breath to be human, to make mistakes.

01:04:31.541 --> 01:04:34.840
I put that pressure on me to be perfect and I'm not perfect.

01:04:35.454 --> 01:04:53.094
I was strongly encouraged to make my own choices, to trust my instincts, and by the end of 2022, after I came back from Go Fest, Seattle, As The Pokeball Turns had returned and had become fully interview based As The Pokeball Turns was finally beginning its journey with me.

01:04:53.706 --> 01:04:57.565
As you were navigating all of that, how did the themes in Sword and Shield land for you?

01:04:58.155 --> 01:05:01.695
What I loved about Galar was how they presented Pokemon battles.

01:05:02.206 --> 01:05:05.775
They were like big spectacles, so much so that they filled stadiums.

01:05:06.465 --> 01:05:14.512
And it reminded me almost of, wwe EI used to watch wrestling growing up, and it just felt very similar that they brought that to Pokemon in a way.

01:05:15.128 --> 01:05:18.248
The crowds, the pressure, even the expectations.

01:05:18.248 --> 01:05:20.228
When you think of a Leon, the champion.

01:05:20.599 --> 01:05:29.969
Are honestly something I resonate with deeply, especially when it came to leadership and even more so when it came to podcasting and even this episode to see leadership.

01:05:30.208 --> 01:05:32.639
What I learned in college is like a fishbowl.

01:05:33.132 --> 01:05:35.711
You're always being watched whether you want to be or not.

01:05:36.159 --> 01:05:38.833
It's not an easy title to, for people to carry.

01:05:39.423 --> 01:05:44.141
It's a responsibility that's heavy, and for those who've been leaders, they probably understand this.

01:05:44.751 --> 01:05:47.032
I loved how Galar made it into a spectacle.

01:05:47.501 --> 01:05:49.992
It made The Pokeball battles feel more important.

01:05:50.652 --> 01:05:54.552
It made the choices both inside and outside of Pokemon, have incredible weight.

01:05:55.152 --> 01:06:00.132
you know, when I chose to spoof and Pokemon Go, I didn't fully consider how my actions influenced others when I started to spoofing.

01:06:00.742 --> 01:06:07.862
You know, I don't regret the decision, but I wish I had thought more about the ripple effect, how more the community would turn towards spoofing after I did.

01:06:08.481 --> 01:06:17.045
See people follow leaders, whether you intend to lead or not, whether it's good or bad, people follow people and that was a blind spot I hadn't considered.

01:06:17.646 --> 01:06:21.166
During this period, what was your relationship with responsibility like?

01:06:21.771 --> 01:06:22.641
I was tired.

01:06:23.222 --> 01:06:26.161
I didn't have the energy to rebuild communities anymore.

01:06:26.782 --> 01:06:33.065
What Pokemon Go needed, especially after the pandemic was boots on the ground, which is wasn't what I wanted to give.

01:06:33.688 --> 01:06:40.228
I wanted to build something creative, something reflective, something that could last beyond a single meetup or a Raid hour.

01:06:40.775 --> 01:06:42.905
That's why I never wanted to be a community ambassador.

01:06:43.625 --> 01:06:46.715
I'd rather oversee, advise and invest than build from scratch.

01:06:47.311 --> 01:06:49.081
I also came to terms with who I am.

01:06:49.688 --> 01:06:52.898
I never fit in neatly into hierarchy or rule-based leadership.

01:06:52.898 --> 01:06:54.128
It's never been my strength.

01:06:54.554 --> 01:07:03.554
I live in the gray where nuance care and hard questions exist, where I have to make a snap judgment where I have to live with my choices, and I knew then.

01:07:04.150 --> 01:07:05.619
It was time to pass the torch.

01:07:06.233 --> 01:07:09.333
Where did Sword and Shield itself fit into your life during this stretch?

01:07:09.954 --> 01:07:14.153
It didn't really, I enjoyed Pokemon Sword and Shield, but it wasn't a priority.

01:07:14.873 --> 01:07:22.753
Pokemon felt distant during those years, not because I really stopped caring about Pokemon, but because I was rediscovering where it fit in my life.

01:07:23.201 --> 01:07:28.483
I was discovering who I was underneath, and I guess my relationship with Pokemon was evolving.

01:08:23.603 --> 01:08:27.302
When Pokémon Scarlet and Violet came out, where were you in your life at that point?

01:08:27.682 --> 01:08:29.052
What was going on for you then?

01:08:29.654 --> 01:08:33.104
Scarlet and Violet came out in November of 2022.

01:08:33.686 --> 01:08:35.756
I was still in therapy and I was learning a lot by myself.

01:08:36.203 --> 01:08:44.497
The podcast had already shifted into interviews, and after I restarted it in August and therapy in Go Fest, Seattle 22 2 made something clear to me.

01:08:45.106 --> 01:08:50.417
I remember standing there seeing how many people were attending and thinking there's no place for all these stories to go.

01:08:51.003 --> 01:08:52.293
I wanted to build that space.

01:08:52.725 --> 01:08:59.775
like I said, there wasn't another Pokemon interview podcast at the time, so I had to figure out everything from scratch, the questions, the format, the tone.

01:09:00.212 --> 01:09:03.931
I studied other interviews and translated their approach into Pokemon language.

01:09:04.389 --> 01:09:06.788
I love building something that hadn't existed before.

01:09:07.394 --> 01:09:09.333
Was your professional life changing too.

01:09:09.920 --> 01:09:11.720
it was changing quite rapidly actually.

01:09:12.153 --> 01:09:16.953
I went from mental health to working with refugees slash asylees to homeless veterans.

01:09:17.552 --> 01:09:21.542
I saw how incredible persistence people who had lost everything and still kept going.

01:09:21.979 --> 01:09:27.710
There's something admirable about seeing people who just came here with nothing on their back, smiling, learning to cheer.

01:09:28.106 --> 01:09:32.006
And I also saw how badly addiction and mental health can derail, realize if it's untreated.

01:09:32.578 --> 01:09:34.587
That's when I finally addressed my anxiety medically.

01:09:35.037 --> 01:09:39.478
I wanted to know what normal for me felt like to finally live without dread every day.

01:09:39.925 --> 01:09:43.851
But then I was fired for falling asleep at work, and I learned that I had sleep apnea.

01:09:44.292 --> 01:09:46.542
I wasn't getting rest ever.

01:09:46.988 --> 01:09:50.807
I was exhausted all the time and my finances collapsed after that.

01:09:50.807 --> 01:09:52.488
My struggled with rent and food.

01:09:52.938 --> 01:09:56.717
I worked multiple jobs but couldn't escape the hole that I was getting myself into.

01:09:57.309 --> 01:09:58.628
That’s a heavy place to be.

01:09:59.225 --> 01:10:00.335
It was a heavy place.

01:10:00.948 --> 01:10:11.045
I reached out to my aunt for help and she said she couldn't, and after that distance grew, the support that I thought was there would disappeared and I felt abandoned.

01:10:11.795 --> 01:10:14.314
There were moments where I wanted to start ending my life.

01:10:14.934 --> 01:10:16.163
I called the suicide crisis line.

01:10:17.663 --> 01:10:19.344
I kept holding the pills in my hand.

01:10:19.974 --> 01:10:25.171
I thought about making sure how my dogs would be safe, But through all that, the podcast was still there.

01:10:25.766 --> 01:10:33.056
It gave me something to hold onto when everything else was falling apart, when I was struggling to find meaning to stay alive.

01:10:35.525 --> 01:10:39.036
As you were going through all of that, how did Scarlet and Violet land for you?

01:10:39.917 --> 01:10:44.140
I loved Pokemon, Scarlet and Violet because it reflected life.

01:10:44.501 --> 01:10:46.121
Many paths, they're all valid.

01:10:46.703 --> 01:10:48.203
Wasn't one right way to live.

01:10:48.203 --> 01:10:50.512
Life wasn't one right way to do things.

01:10:51.119 --> 01:10:53.100
I stopped bending for people who would hurt me.

01:10:53.682 --> 01:10:57.042
The space that I would give for people who would take advantage of me stopped existing.

01:10:57.630 --> 01:11:00.750
I realized I attracted people who took advantage of my kindness.

01:11:01.351 --> 01:11:02.731
I started setting boundaries.

01:11:03.322 --> 01:11:07.551
I think Scarlet and Violet are some of the best games, if not the best games in the franchise.

01:11:08.127 --> 01:11:11.247
Arvin story particularly hit me hard feeling in love by both parents.

01:11:11.851 --> 01:11:13.862
It mirrored parts of my own life at times.

01:11:14.448 --> 01:11:18.677
I wasn't just playing Pokemon Scarlet Violet, I was living alongside it.

01:11:19.292 --> 01:11:22.323
During this period, how did your relationship with the podcast change?

01:11:22.922 --> 01:11:45.886
I realized I cared deeply about the stories that I was recording, listening, like really listening, asking good questions, putting myself into my guest's shoes, brought more out of my guest, and I remember that I listened to a random podcast episode when I was trying to figure it out that what did I want As The Pokeball turns legacy to be, not just mine, but the podcast.

01:11:46.625 --> 01:11:51.395
It stumped me because I had never really gave space to ask that question.

01:11:51.875 --> 01:11:56.435
I've asked that for myself many times, but to ask that for a podcast just was different.

01:11:57.082 --> 01:12:07.175
I wanted to build something that future generations could find while preserving the stories of the past, and each year that I ran the podcast shaped at 2022, brought the interviews.

01:12:07.789 --> 01:12:09.920
2023 was the 52 weeks.

01:12:09.920 --> 01:12:13.189
52 guests to show that I could be consistent doing this.

01:12:13.640 --> 01:12:16.699
'cause it's not easy doing this style format.

01:12:17.292 --> 01:12:19.122
You have to find people who come on the show.

01:12:19.122 --> 01:12:26.292
You have to schedule, you have to come with good questions, you have to bring your A game every time, and it can get exhausting.

01:12:26.912 --> 01:12:28.863
But I was able to do that and I keep doing it.

01:12:29.444 --> 01:12:31.712
2024 is when I branched out from Pokemon Go.

01:12:31.712 --> 01:12:42.752
'cause I realized that I didn't need to restrict myself to just that game that I could dive into, even Pokemon to other aspects, whether it be the anime, the cards, the video games.

01:12:42.841 --> 01:12:45.872
I have all this knowledge that I could dive into and connect with people.

01:12:46.431 --> 01:12:52.917
And then 2025 was just about depth and sustainability to figure out how much was too much.

01:12:53.632 --> 01:12:58.733
Where the balance of doing the podcast and living my life existed,

01:12:59.367 --> 01:13:03.636
Do you feel like this is the first time you’ve been able to love Pokémon simply as connection?

01:13:04.385 --> 01:13:07.204
Yeah, I think that's a fair way to put it.

01:13:07.954 --> 01:13:09.755
Pokemon is our shared language.

01:13:10.414 --> 01:13:14.914
My podcast lets people assign meaning to it and preserves these stories so they're not lost.

01:13:15.515 --> 01:13:22.307
That's what Pokemon means to me now, and that came even more important this past year in 2025, it became survival.

01:13:22.923 --> 01:13:25.444
You intentionally kept 2025 separate.

01:13:25.984 --> 01:13:29.604
Before we talk about events, what made this year feel different enough to stand alone?

01:13:30.193 --> 01:13:35.233
It was the first year I decided to chase what I wanted consequences be damned.

01:13:36.443 --> 01:13:43.733
My last meeting with my aunt was in January of 2025 at Rodeo Go, and I told her everything.

01:13:44.632 --> 01:13:46.103
I reminded her of my cdi.

01:13:46.792 --> 01:13:56.778
I reminded her of my suicidal ideation again, and then multiple times I had called the crisis line, I reminded her of the sleep apnea that I was struggling with.

01:13:57.457 --> 01:14:02.618
How I was facing eviction, the food struggles, how our church never responded.

01:14:02.618 --> 01:14:06.398
When I reached out for help, I left nothing out.

01:14:07.778 --> 01:14:16.988
I came in with full honesty, and I asked her whatever help she's willing to offer, I'll gladly accept.

01:14:17.108 --> 01:14:19.717
Because I wasn't in the place to be picky.

01:14:21.368 --> 01:14:23.887
I was at the end of what I had left.

01:14:26.228 --> 01:14:35.287
And then she told me the words that just stay in my mind to go find my tribe, and that she would keep praying for me.

01:14:37.988 --> 01:14:38.858
And that was that.

01:14:42.488 --> 01:14:46.238
I cried and then her, I cried in front of her.

01:14:47.467 --> 01:14:52.717
I cried when I got home, not because I was sad.

01:14:54.472 --> 01:15:03.682
But because I finally saw what my mom had warned me about with her, my aunt Pat and uncle, they told me I was always family.

01:15:04.582 --> 01:15:10.733
They said that at my 33rd birthday at a place called Herrera's TexMex, when it was just us three.

01:15:12.278 --> 01:15:16.823
But at that moment, I was alone.

01:15:18.353 --> 01:15:20.542
I felt like I didn't matter.

01:15:23.497 --> 01:15:26.768
My worst fear of being too much for people had come true.

01:15:30.787 --> 01:15:39.127
I had nothing left, nothing, and at that moment I saw very little reason to fight it.

01:15:41.677 --> 01:15:46.807
I saw what I needed to move past, and it was heavy.

01:15:47.622 --> 01:15:49.563
It was, it was hard.

01:15:54.518 --> 01:15:55.478
She drove me home.

01:16:00.757 --> 01:16:12.427
I sat on my bed pills in my hand, silent, and then I was angry.

01:16:15.637 --> 01:16:15.943
I was bitter.

01:16:18.967 --> 01:16:20.408
Something inside me broke.

01:16:22.717 --> 01:16:36.033
I always say it was my dad's blood, but something deep inside me told me One more time, I.

01:16:37.573 --> 01:16:38.564
What happened next?

01:16:40.297 --> 01:16:48.398
I did what I always did for what I've always known had to do, what I've always known what to do.

01:16:50.707 --> 01:16:51.578
I like hell.

01:16:53.318 --> 01:17:04.688
One last time I reached out to my friend Jamal from the Police Spotters podcast.

01:17:06.518 --> 01:17:08.023
I told him I want to take my life.

01:17:12.653 --> 01:17:26.273
He told me I was a good dude and that the world needed more me, and that was enough to get the ball rolling, to give me hope to keep going.

01:17:26.273 --> 01:17:35.603
I, I didn't know what this episode would look like yet, but I knew I wasn't going away quietly.

01:17:37.417 --> 01:17:38.978
I hold myself that much.

01:17:41.938 --> 01:17:44.387
You’ve spoken openly about suicidal ideation.

01:17:44.778 --> 01:17:47.217
Can you describe how real that was during this period?

01:17:48.920 --> 01:17:50.180
It wasn't a single moment.

01:17:51.319 --> 01:17:53.510
It was just something that regularly happened.

01:17:55.550 --> 01:17:57.050
I had the pills in my hand off.

01:17:58.310 --> 01:17:59.000
I held them.

01:17:59.930 --> 01:18:07.279
I thought about it every night when I was driving, trying to make money off of doing food deliveries.

01:18:07.850 --> 01:18:08.750
I thought about it.

01:18:08.750 --> 01:18:10.159
I caught the line sometimes.

01:18:10.699 --> 01:18:13.520
That's when it was the worst'cause it was just me in silence.

01:18:15.770 --> 01:18:17.060
I thought about how I would do it.

01:18:18.079 --> 01:18:21.020
I thought about taking my dogs to camp first so they'd be safe.

01:18:22.489 --> 01:18:25.069
I thought about swallowing the pills and quietly drifting away.

01:18:26.510 --> 01:18:28.069
'cause nobody knew where I lived.

01:18:28.699 --> 01:18:32.479
Nobody would check on me for weeks if they even cared.

01:18:32.960 --> 01:18:34.640
They even noticed that I was gone.

01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:38.810
I, and even my aunt knew where I lived.

01:18:38.869 --> 01:18:42.289
She had to ask before she picked me up from early goat, from rodeo, goat.

01:18:44.569 --> 01:18:46.340
This wasn't impulsive, it was prolonged.

01:18:46.430 --> 01:18:47.899
It was hopelessness.

01:18:47.899 --> 01:18:48.619
It was heavy.

01:18:48.680 --> 01:18:52.069
It was something I faced almost daily.

01:18:52.069 --> 01:18:55.789
At some points, I just felt alone.

01:18:55.789 --> 01:18:56.600
I felt abandoned.

01:18:56.600 --> 01:19:00.529
I felt like I had nowhere else to go, and even if I did, what was the point?

01:19:01.670 --> 01:19:05.689
What I struggled myself out of life again, just to be alone.

01:19:05.750 --> 01:19:07.130
Just didn't seem worth it.

01:19:08.750 --> 01:19:11.930
I just felt like there was no point in trying to rebuild my life again.

01:19:14.365 --> 01:19:16.246
Did you reach out for help beyond family?

01:19:17.034 --> 01:19:23.694
Yeah, I reached out, uh, I reached out to the church that I attended with my aunt.

01:19:25.074 --> 01:19:26.154
I didn't hear back.

01:19:26.545 --> 01:19:27.685
That's kind of what started it.

01:19:27.715 --> 01:19:35.005
'cause I always thought the church would be there, but they were distant, they were cold.

01:19:37.435 --> 01:19:44.904
That was, this was after that I called, I started calling the crisis line because I didn't really have the safety nets I thought I could rely on, were gone.

01:19:44.965 --> 01:19:45.805
They weren't there.

01:19:49.404 --> 01:19:53.425
In November of 2024, when I told her about these calls, this is before rodeo go.

01:19:54.055 --> 01:19:56.574
She just told me to go play basketball and then she would pray for me.

01:19:58.824 --> 01:19:59.875
That was the response.

01:20:01.375 --> 01:20:03.024
That was always the response.

01:20:05.079 --> 01:20:05.199
I.

01:20:05.457 --> 01:20:07.846
As you kept going, what started to show up for you?

01:20:09.216 --> 01:20:15.006
Help did people slowly, but people started showing up.

01:20:17.287 --> 01:20:20.497
After Rodeo Guil, I visited my mom and told her what happened.

01:20:23.016 --> 01:20:27.487
Our relationship has always been strained and I hadn't seen her in years.

01:20:27.546 --> 01:20:29.256
We just never had any contact.

01:20:31.747 --> 01:20:35.381
But that day she gave me a warm wheel and suggested I visited my sister.

01:20:37.771 --> 01:20:41.886
I hadn't even seen my sister longer, but she sat with me.

01:20:42.997 --> 01:20:50.197
I cried and I told her, told her how I just felt abandoned, how I felt alone.

01:20:51.277 --> 01:20:54.006
She sat with me, she listened.

01:20:56.077 --> 01:20:58.777
I didn't deserve that type of grace she gave me, but she helped me.

01:20:58.777 --> 01:21:03.877
She gave it to me just enough to give me a fighting chance.

01:21:06.306 --> 01:21:07.027
I took it.

01:21:09.396 --> 01:21:12.636
I kept working at the job as much as I could with sleep apnea.

01:21:12.726 --> 01:21:19.447
I was having to be on medication to stay awake, otherwise I'd be sleeping for 16, 80 hours a day.

01:21:19.777 --> 01:21:21.277
Just, I couldn't stay awake.

01:21:21.606 --> 01:21:22.087
I couldn't.

01:21:22.627 --> 01:21:25.987
I drank liters, two liters of soda and nothing.

01:21:26.167 --> 01:21:27.337
Nothing could keep me awake.

01:21:28.806 --> 01:21:31.506
Kept working on the podcast'cause it kept me grounded and kept me.

01:21:32.497 --> 01:21:33.067
Something.

01:21:33.277 --> 01:21:38.827
I needed anything just to stay here, something to keep me from going back to that dark place.

01:21:40.417 --> 01:21:49.117
I kept giving the wristbands to the community, so I felt like I belonged somewhere that I felt like my life had meaning financially.

01:21:49.117 --> 01:21:50.016
It wasn't wise.

01:21:50.377 --> 01:21:58.117
You can make the argument that, no, not really when you're facing eviction, when you gotta pay the bills, but how much is my life worth?

01:21:59.902 --> 01:22:01.582
I think 50 bucks a month is worth it.

01:22:02.931 --> 01:22:10.492
I just kept doing whatever I could to stay alive, to keep fighting, but by June I hit my limit.

01:22:11.692 --> 01:22:12.712
I couldn't move.

01:22:14.091 --> 01:22:15.292
I was exhausted.

01:22:17.542 --> 01:22:20.332
I was trying, but it just wasn't enough.

01:22:22.792 --> 01:22:26.091
But at my worst, I found something unexpected.

01:22:28.596 --> 01:22:29.497
I found love.

01:22:31.072 --> 01:22:31.192
I.

01:22:31.409 --> 01:22:32.220
Tell me about that.

01:22:33.610 --> 01:22:37.211
I found my sunshine and all we did was talk.

01:22:39.220 --> 01:22:47.020
All we did was just share our lives and I told her everything, how I never had the luxury to relax.

01:22:47.201 --> 01:22:48.220
I told her about my family.

01:22:48.400 --> 01:22:55.690
I told her about what I've gone through to get to this point, how I never really was able to ever feel safe.

01:22:57.400 --> 01:23:01.690
She was the first person in a long time that I was just fully honest with.

01:23:03.836 --> 01:23:04.645
And she stayed.

01:23:06.836 --> 01:23:14.725
And just that something just that gave me the energy to keep going to get back up.

01:23:17.996 --> 01:23:23.996
It gave me purpose again, and I remembered the words that I said earlier in that year.

01:23:25.225 --> 01:23:29.426
One more time, just one more time.

01:23:31.903 --> 01:23:34.353
You’ve also mentioned your community being there for you.

01:23:34.773 --> 01:23:35.733
How did that show up?

01:23:37.154 --> 01:23:48.104
Eventually with the help of friends, with help from my own Pokemon community, I got my CPAP machine and for the first time in my life I rested.

01:23:50.805 --> 01:23:51.645
I rested.

01:23:52.574 --> 01:23:56.175
I went from yawning 15 to 20 times a minute to hardly any at all.

01:23:57.345 --> 01:23:58.364
I could see clearly.

01:23:58.364 --> 01:23:59.324
I could think clearly.

01:23:59.324 --> 01:24:00.614
I felt like a new man.

01:24:00.614 --> 01:24:04.814
I felt like I could finally see who I really was.

01:24:06.300 --> 01:24:11.460
For the first time in my life, I experienced me fully.

01:24:13.524 --> 01:24:13.645
I.

01:24:13.851 --> 01:24:14.601
And your community?

01:24:16.453 --> 01:24:20.563
When I didn't have anything left, I leaned on The Pokeball community.

01:24:21.703 --> 01:24:27.193
The ones that I had built, the friends I had made through this franchise.

01:24:29.412 --> 01:24:30.853
They held me in different ways.

01:24:30.853 --> 01:24:34.483
Some with money, some with logistics, some with just graphic design.

01:24:35.472 --> 01:24:37.033
Others were just kind words.

01:24:38.622 --> 01:24:42.283
I don't need much, but they were there.

01:24:44.443 --> 01:24:45.972
Slowly momentum returned.

01:24:47.533 --> 01:24:49.422
The eviction cases were dismissed.

01:24:51.523 --> 01:24:54.372
For the first time in my life, I wasn't alone.

01:24:55.422 --> 01:24:57.493
I had people, I had friends.

01:25:00.703 --> 01:25:03.193
I've gone through life alone and made it this far.

01:25:04.872 --> 01:25:08.023
I knew I'd be okay with friends next to me.

01:25:10.528 --> 01:25:12.268
Unfortunately, not everyone was so kind.

01:25:13.497 --> 01:25:24.358
I was called a scam artist, possessed by the devil, attention seeker, and that I was going to hell, but I had my sunshine.

01:25:26.307 --> 01:25:28.318
She's been my rock throughout all of this.

01:25:28.377 --> 01:25:30.898
If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gotten this far.

01:25:34.018 --> 01:25:38.307
She saw me burst into tears when I heard I'm not okay by Jelly Roll for the first time.

01:25:41.412 --> 01:25:44.412
She was there when my aunt was trying to make me an Octavia client.

01:25:44.412 --> 01:25:45.552
When I was facing eviction.

01:25:47.712 --> 01:25:53.922
She hugged me when I was pulled over for playing Pokemon Go at 10 miles per hour and given a ticket'cause I couldn't afford the insurance.

01:25:56.712 --> 01:26:02.653
She's seen all of this build up to this point and I always ask her, are you sure you wanna stick around me?

01:26:02.653 --> 01:26:04.363
'cause I really don't got much to offer.

01:26:06.313 --> 01:26:07.603
But you keep saying yes.

01:26:10.618 --> 01:26:18.807
She continues to stay and I don't deserve that, but I'm grateful that I do have it.

01:26:21.337 --> 01:26:25.697
If someone finds your story years from now what do you hope they understand?

01:26:27.408 --> 01:26:31.158
I hope they understand how important it is to be there for one another.

01:26:32.358 --> 01:26:41.898
I don't want to be seen as an inspiration to become because I'm not that there's, I shouldn't be here.

01:26:42.408 --> 01:26:46.518
There's so many reasons why I should not be here, but I am.

01:26:47.507 --> 01:26:50.807
But I never want to be something people aspire to be.

01:26:52.037 --> 01:26:55.068
I want to be the reason Safety nets need to exist.

01:26:56.057 --> 01:26:59.807
To give a reason for people to reach out and care about one another.

01:27:01.608 --> 01:27:05.568
There are so many people trying their best fighting needing help.

01:27:08.028 --> 01:27:10.877
The only difference is that I have a podcast platform.

01:27:11.627 --> 01:27:13.368
A lot of them, they don't have that.

01:27:14.747 --> 01:27:17.478
And if anything, I'd like to at least be the voice for them.

01:27:19.787 --> 01:27:24.318
The one piece of advice I would give to those wanting to find out how they could help.

01:27:25.443 --> 01:27:26.493
It's just listen.

01:27:28.563 --> 01:27:31.893
Just listen to what they say.

01:27:32.912 --> 01:27:35.462
My life is filled with people who just listen.

01:27:35.462 --> 01:27:49.653
My campus pastor, my girlfriend, a lot of people in The Pokeball community, people that I haven't even mentioned on this episode, they listen to my heart and hearing what I said I guess, or hearing.

01:27:51.302 --> 01:27:51.842
I don't know.

01:27:52.233 --> 01:27:55.353
They believed in me and they responded with actions.

01:27:57.603 --> 01:28:00.603
I wouldn't have made it this far without people just listening.

01:28:02.523 --> 01:28:12.693
And to those who are struggling, to those who maybe feel like they're down and out, keep fighting, keep fighting.

01:28:15.033 --> 01:28:16.533
There are days that are gonna be heavy.

01:28:16.743 --> 01:28:18.542
There are days that I feel good.

01:28:20.222 --> 01:28:23.222
But I keep just taking it one day at a time.

01:28:25.472 --> 01:28:29.613
And always remember, stories don't belong to the victors.

01:28:30.422 --> 01:28:32.823
They belong to those with the courage to share them.

01:28:33.448 --> 01:28:33.568
I.

01:28:35.011 --> 01:28:38.822
Looking at your life now what feels unfinished, and what feels settled?

01:28:40.488 --> 01:28:41.268
What's next?

01:28:43.068 --> 01:28:52.398
I always told myself that As The Pokeball ball turns would end once I share my Pokemon story, that this would be the final episode, and here we are.

01:28:54.108 --> 01:28:54.978
Is this the end?

01:28:56.837 --> 01:28:57.153
I don't know.

01:28:59.238 --> 01:29:01.667
Let's turn the page together and find out.